AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
People, you know I normally don't post on the weekends, unless something very important comes up. Like Britney shaving her head. Or Paris being sentenced to the pokey.
But this is real big. Rull big. This is Jesus answering my prayers for reals big.
Lohan not only wrapped her car around a tree last night while high on coke and wasted on Mommy Juice, but she got busted with tonnes of coke in her car.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Holy shit, you stupid whore!!! What is wrong with you, you dumb retard?!?
Now, some of the naysayers might call Shenanigans saying that this is just a sad attempt at publicity for her new movie about being a stripper (I Know Who Killed Me...yeah, your cokehead ass in a BMW) but I say No Shenanigans. Her birthday is next week or something - girl's party was being sponsored by Sveda Vodka. (Hey, I know tonnes of AA-members who get alcohol companies to sponsor their birthday parties, don't hate.) Like, what the hell?!? I honestly didn't think it would end this way; I mean, everybody knows Lohan is a total snowface, but a drunk-driving car-write-off snowface? I honestly thought she would just get lame and disappear until The Surreal Life 2020.
Let's see where this one goes, shall we?
Cheer up, Lilo! It's only a DUI charge, a Potential Vehicular Manslaughter charge, and a Possession of a Class A Drug charge! That's practically a slap on the wrist or a few months community...oh shit. You're going to jail.
2 comments:
Don't forget that she's under 21 and fled the scene of the accident. All of this whilst being followed by gentlemen with cameras. Cameras of the video recording variety even. Sheer brilliance from the most smartest girl in the whooooooooole world!
I love you more than a whole basket full of fluffy baby Paris Hiltons, Lindsay!
Her PR spin will be this:
"Lindsay left Hyde after warning the patrons inside of the sin of grain alcohol and while calmly driving the vehicle (on loan from Los Feliz Community Orphanage) a scared child ran in front of her car! She chose instead to endanger herself rather than the chilc and crashed into a tree. Then, in a comatose state, she thought she saw the face of the Lord beckoning to her and she chased afetr him saying "what goods works may I perform for you now, Lord?". She finally came-to and realized that someone (Paris Hilton, no doubt - she is rife with delinquent acts) planted drugs in her car to slander her good name."
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