Ginger Tuesdays

You know Ginger Tuesdays have gotten bad when I am racking my brains to find a new Ginger that isn't Ronald McDonald. I was like "I won't do it; I won't do a clown, it's too goddamned easy. Pull yourself together! It's not the end of the world!" The I laid on my back and fired my gun violently into the air several time and let out an aggressive YAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHH. (I clearly went and saw Hot Fuzz again this weekend). Then it hit me - I don't have to do Ronald. He's not even a real Ginger - he's just a dude with a red wig. The Hamburglar, however...Name: Charles "The Hamburglar" Goldstein
Birthdate: Sometime in the weird-ass 70's
Occupation: criminal
Arrest Record: Petty theft under $100, aggravated assault, indecent exposure to Fry Kids, arson to a public office (the office of Mayor McCheese at Town Hall).
The Hamburglar is to Gingers what a white kid pulling laterally at his eyelids and saying "ching chang chong" is to the Chinese (ie - their most offensive stereotype). Let's take a look at all the little offensive bits that make up one large stereotype:
- He's a criminal who not only robs people blind, but has also reecntly broken out of jail
- He wears a perscription mask (everybody knows that Gingers have poor vision)
- One tooth (Ginger have notoriosly bad dental habits)
- Large hands (for grabbing money)
- Large nose (for smelling where money is)
- Black cape (Gingers are morbidly obsessed with Batman)
- Is only able to say rubble rubble (due to excessive inbreeding, Gingers have been forced to make up their own crude language)
One thing you may not have known is that in the 80's, the Hamburglar went through quite the transformation. Did you know he used to look like this?Wow, I feel bad just posting that. Imagine that breaking into your house at night and stealing all your hamburgers? I would shit a brick if that thing even approached me on the street! My biggest questions is - why is he a grey-haired old man? And why did they decide that making him a Ginegr would be less offensive? Who knows. I suppose it's better than the Hamburglar's brother, The Hammurderer:Stabble stabble.