Yipes. Just yipes.

So, way back when (...3, maybe 4 weeks ago?) my Mom told me about The Next Best Thing, ABC's time-killer till the premier of Geico Cavemen. Allow me to sum it up: celebrity impersonators compete for nation-wide stardom, a cash prize, and (I'm assuming, the most important reason) a hot meal and the opportunity to sleep in a hotel that doesn't rent by the 1/2 hour. So, all "season" (read: 4 episodes) people have been competing to see who makes the best fake-Austin powers or fake-Madonna. Yep. I know, words fail, don't they? So last night, it was down to the following fake-people. Oh, and you KNOW I'm rating them!
2 Elvises - lame x2
Frank Sinatra - Sounded good, but looked like my 10th grade math teacher
Barbara Streisand - Even Streisand isn't that Jewwy. The impersonator was 2 Jew Jokes away from a full-blown Anti-Semetic tirade. Try to YouTube it - it was the Jewish version of blackface.
George W. Bush - people were booing him everytime he was on stage. Hello! He is not the real president! Jesus Christ, did they get the audience members from the local Mensa club, or what?
Paris Hilton - actually quite convincing. Plus, she made a tonne of deadpan slut jokes. Winning combination.
Lucille Ball - the woman is dead, for chrissakes! Give her some dignity! This Lucy was pretty fat too, and was completely erradic. Um, lady? I think you are doing your Liza Minelli impression instead of your Lucille Ball.
Robin Williams - I'm sure that if you asked the real Robin Williams to be on the show, he'd do it for $20. This guy was like the unholy amalgam of Mrs. Doubtfire Williams, Birdcage Williams, and RV Williams. So, so sad.
Little Richard - meh
Tina Turner - really good and, dare I say it, enjoyable to watch. Wow, did I just say that? Who knows, it was probably the real Tina thrown in there as a ringer.
OMG, then during the Little Richard/Tina Turner number, the REAL Little Richard came out on a piano and started playing 'Old Time Rock and Roll' and it was so horrible!! It looked like the man was being held at gunpoint and made to watch his wife being killed! Then a gay joke was made and Little Richard turned into the bitchiest Queen and started hurling insults.
It was quite possibly one of the more awkward moments I have been witness to (until I saw the trailerfor Daddy Day Camp during the commercial break. People - Cuba Gooding Junior is a perrfect example of what happens when you sell your soul to the devil for an Oscar.) For Christ sakes, the man had to do Snow Dogs AND Radio! Now this? Damn you, Satan! The man has had enough, you soulless bastard!!
...and the winner was?

One of the Elvises. Wow. Really? I mean, yeah, he was the King, but who even gives a shit anymore? You know that if Elvis was still alive, he'd be hawking The Elvis Presley Grill on QVC and encouraging anyone over 65 to take out life insurance for less than a dollar a day (and you won't even have to take a medical!)
But the real losers in all of this are the tards who filled in 8 pages of topics on the Next Best Thing message boards. Get a life, people. Holy crap. Sorry, I guess I'm just bitter since I haven't found a replacement for CNTM yet. So, if you have any suggestions, please let me know! What should I be watching on Wednesday nights? And to all the smart-assess that will say "uh, try going outside"; save it. I've already weighed that option.