New Teefs
Hey Urrbods
So, if you have ever laid awake at night thinking I wonder what The Mayor looks like..., allow me to give you a little visual clue.
I have, what my friend Lauren H would call summer teeth. As in "some are here, some are there". Basically, what I am trying to get across here is that I make Kirsten Dunst look like the picture of dental hygene. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I went to the dentist a few days ago and they did these two tests, the Soft Tissue and the Hard Tissue test. Soft tissue means they poke your gums till they bleed (and being a partial anemic, I bled. Hard tissue means they scratch at your teeth to see how shitty they are. Let's just say I passed that one with flying colours. My teeth are rock-hard, super shiny, and not a cavity in sight (I might add I have never had a cavity).
Then it started to go downhill when the dentist asked me what my "at-home habits" were like. Busted! I told her the truth, since they can always catch you in a lie. I let her know in no uncertain terms that my teeth get lucky if they are brushed once a day (usually before work in the morning). Also, I never floss or use mouthwash, and pretty much drink a can of Diet Coke right before bedtime (sometimes in bed). Also, my diet is meat, candy and coffee. Her jaw dropped. It was as if I was sitting there going "bla bla bla, the Holocaust never happened, bla bla bla blacks shouldn't use the same waterfountains as whites". She told me I better straighten up and fly right. Which I will. Promise.
Anyways, let's get to the point - I chipped my lower front tooth biting my nails a while ago and never got it fixed. It was pretty wonky. So I went to get it fixed. She capped it all off, shaved down some of the wonk. I seriously felt like I was on Extreme Makeover - I was so giddy! I actually grabbed the mirror like those losers and went "Ah Mah Gawd! Mah teeth! Ahm gore-jiss!!"
I decided to post the picture above cause my kid sister found it while Googling something and said "wouldn't be embarrassing if this was you?"
Yes it would, Alex. Yes it would.
12 comments:
IT'S HYGIENE!!!!!!
post a picture of the old vs. new teeth!
post a picture of the old vs. new teeth!
Okay, first off, taking a picture of my before teeth will cause a camera to break. Secondly, taking a picture now will show you some wonky looking fangy teeth. Just google Kirsten Dunst Dental Work and you'll get the idea. Also, Dr. Spellcheck, I would like to know where you got your Doctorate of Spellollogy. I am questioning your credentials.
Also, my poor spelling is part of my charm. I like to spell hygiene like Hygene as a tribute to Gene Wilder. What have you got against Gene Wilder? The man was Willy Wonka, for Chrissakes!!
I did not say
"wouldn't be embarassing if this was you?"
You dumbass.
I said "imagine if this was your PE teacher."
"poor spelling is part of my charm" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ok Lurleen whatever you say.
Whatever, I have better things to worry about - like wearin' boots that won't scuff up the topless dancin' runway.
IT'S "SPELLOLOGY"!!!! I earned my Doctorate of "Spellology" where everyone does.....5th grade..as spelling bee champion! Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Obviously not. I love Jerome S!
Are we talking an American 5th grader or a Canadian 5th grader?
Cause there is no way I am smarter than an American 5th grader. Its a well-documented fact that American is a nation of geniuses, Mensa-members, and scientists. So, really, who IS smarter than an American 5th grader? Jesus? Stephen Hawking?
ps - who the fuck is Jerome S?
Your friend Lauren H is funny. Will you please interview her too?
I will ask her - I hope she says yes, because she is much funnier than I.
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