America's Next Top Model Cycle 9, Week whatever.

Okay, so my little Intern Tiddlerface is taking this week off. And, I have been hearing a lot of comments about "keep the ANTM post shorter" and bla bla bla. But, I do respect all of yous, so this week we are gonna keep things short. And next week, when Tylerface is back, it will still be kept short. Hoorays all around! Let's get down to bidness. If you watched last night, you were probably as shocked as I was when Ebony decided to leave. Ambreal-y bad model was told to hit the bricks, and then Ebony was all like "I don't wanna be hurr" and shit, and so Ambreal got to stay. Free pass, bitch! If that wasn't troubly enough, Tyra starts with that glorious silent-bitch routine she has been known to pull where she, very calmly and with a smile, tells Ebony that she is a quitter and that she has 0 respect for her lazy ass. The best was like "You want to leave because you can't handle people telling you what to do and not telling you you are beautiful all the time". Diss! Then, with a smile, she was like "get yo ass outta my house, b'yotch, 'fore I put my foot so far up yo ass you be coughin' up my Dr. Scholls OdorEaters". I wish! It was more like "pack your shit and leave", but one can wish.

Let's move on to the photos, shall we?EBONY
Fug fug fug. It looks like another shoot pulled outta Jay's ass. I'm glad Ebony is gone, bitch was boring. I need a ho who will steal granola bars and shit.
AMBREAL
This shot is straight-up Fantasia Barrino. Girl, you better kiss Tyra's fat ass for the next week, cause you got saved. You were ready for the dog-food factory, and you got kept from the killing floor by Ebony. It doesn't mean you are good. It just means you are here by default.
BINACA
Okay, we all know how gorge Bianca is. Let's play Magic Eye and look past Bianca for a sec. What do you see? Do you see it? Yes! It's a bunch of shitty plasic motor oil containers taped to a wall! See, you have to focus on what's not there. There's no Art Director, see? Ah, ANTM photo shoots. You have truly reached a new low.
CHANTAL
I once knew a girl names Chantal and her nickname was Ashtray because she smoked so much. Next to Cardboard, I think that Ashtray is one of the better nicknames I have heard.
PS - this shot is fly.
ASSBURGERS
I know everybody has been crap-a-lappin' over Heather, but I'm gonna say it; I don't think she's that good. And if she wins, I will be really dissapointed. I think she is average to the max and has the worst personality. Did you see her hug Mary J Blige? Mary J was practically pulling away and had this look of terror on her face like "somebody best be pullin' this white girl off me soon...". Nobody gets all up in Mary J's space like that! The woman specifically said no more drama, ya heard?
JENAH
Meh. Just meh. I honestly don't know why they just don't have a two-fer night and cut Jenah along with the other loser.
LISA
Sometimes on ANTM, their combination of Tranny and Low-budget get mixed together into a wonderful little batter, that when baked at 350 degrees for 60 minutes, makes quite a delightful little piece of crap. I think that $9 was invested into this photo shoot. On the plus side, Tyra's wigs have never looked better.
SALEISHA
You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both, and then you have...The Facts of Life.
SARAH
I loved last night when Nigel Barker was like "Have you lost weight?" and Sarah is all "uh...no" as if she has been puking up all her food in the past 5 weeks. Hellos, she is a lot smaller than when she first started. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing - she looks great, and is still my favourite on the show. It's like she has this secret Taxi Driver agenda, where she spends all her time in her room prepping for photoshoots and shit. She's standing in front of the mirror talking to herself like "you want a fatty on the show? I'll show you fatty...give me a Mom haircut, eh? I'm gonna work the hell out of this haircut". All I need to see is her sabotaging the runway so that Heather falls off, and we are all set. Do my bidding, Big S!

That's it for this week. Next week is apparently a catch-up week, which is cool, cause it also happens to be our Nation's Greatest Holiday, Hallowe'en. I wonder what Tyra will dress up for Hallowe'en as? Who am I kidding! The wigs? The false eyelashes? The full-body Spanx? Everyday is Hallowe'en for Tyra Banks.