America's Next Top Tranny: First week in China! Big American Party! Everybody disco dancing!!

I could have easily, EASILY gone with a "who is driving? Bear is driving?!? How can this be?" joke, but I didn't. Sorry, it just wasn't in me this morning. I am very very happy though, and I am sure you know why...
Cue Handel's MessiahLisa's gone! Praise Jesus! That dumb slag was getting on my last nerve and I wanted her to be gone so bad. Ugh, she was just like this girl I know who is always smiling this shit-eating grin, and who is "never sad, always happy!" and its like "bitch, quit frontin". Nobody is happy all the time; stop acting you phony bitch. Anyways, Lisa is just like that - a phony ass bitch. A trick-ass mark, if you will (I have no idea what that means).
Long story short, last night she cried like a fucking Holocaust victim every 5 minutes. Jesus Christ, Lisa, I'll give you something to cry about. Lisa seems like that girl who will go to a WW2 memorial or to The Centre for Drug Abuse and Recovery or a homeless shelter and someone will be like "I saw my best friend die in my arms. It was one of the worst days of my life" and then Lisa would pipe in, with her phony ass actor voice, close her eyes, and go "I know...I...totally understand (dramatic sigh) I once, wow - this is harder to talk about than I thought. I once forgot all my lines on a CoverGirl commercial shoot." Its like, fuck, shut up; your problems are trivial, you stupid drama queen.
Anyways, that's my daily diatribe. In other news, here are the remaining 5 and their CoverGirl shots. In honour of American Thanksgiving, here come the turkeys!!CHANTAL
Okay, you all know I think Chantal is the shit; homegirl has seriously grown on me. This picture is a little too cutesy-poo, but that's Chantal. Down-home, girl next door, country bumpkin. I think Chantal will be in the final 3 for sure. Also, Heather is a turd, but I kind of liked that Chantal stood up for Heather when the other girls were picking on her. Awwww, Full House moment.BINACA
Wah wah wah, I'm a huge baby. I'm ascared of heights. Boo hoo, I can't do it. Cry cry cry. I have trust issues.ASSBURGERS
The ANTM retoucher is working overtime and needs a raise, cause this picture of Heather doesn't look a thing like her. GOOD! She is an Uggers McCuggers and needs all the help she can get. She should get a sponsorship from Adobe Photoshop. Dare I say it; Heather looks VERY PRETTY here! Her hair is so shiny and pretty and her face doesn't look like that of someone who owns a Meth lab. She even picked out a nice shirt! Wow, good jobbers! Now if only she wasn't SO GODDAMNED ANNOYING!JENAH
Next!SALEISHA
Oh my gosh, how cute was Tootie's commercial last night? Saleisha totally has the chance to win this competition, and I think she really wants it too. I am not a fan of this vest, or the makeup, or this shot in general. But Saleisha can pull off the CoverGirl attitude and, shit what am I saying? CoverGirl is bargain makeup with lame, rhyming commericals and Queen Latifah. Who the hell would want to be associated with that? I love in the commercial when they are like "the only compact that is preferred 2 to 1 to the leading Department Store compacts". Um, yeah, that's because compact foundation is so gross. Clinique and MAC have learned this well. Ew, like that sponge that comes with the compact should be a dare in Fear Factor. As someone with a penchant for acne, the thought of applying makeup that has more bacteria than the Greyhound station's washroom is giving me the chills right now. Also, Queen Collection? As in Queen Latifah? Are you serious? Does the makeup come with a built-in voice activator that goes "Mmm-hm! I ain't goin' wit no crazy white girl! Fo sho, boyee!" That's basically the only line of dialogue that Queen Latifah speaks in any movie.

Next week on America's Next Top Tranny...
The girls do their go-sees! Jenah freaks out about something (aka she is so going home next week)! More weird Asian stuff! Tyra gets a new wig! Peace out!