The Hills, Episode Fakitty Fake Fake #8

Herro friends! Okay, first off, I need to stress something that was mentioned in the comment's section of yesterday's post, and it had me a little perturbed. I mentioned that I would be cutting back The Skip-Raid from 5 posts a week to 3.5. I need to promise you that that doesn't mean that the quality will be going down too. With fewer posts, I can condense more goodness. Also, I need to dedicate time to my new writing job. Just like the Jay-Z song, soon you'll understand. I promise. I'm not leaving you, I'm not selling out, I'm not Sophie's Choice-ing your asses. With that being said, let's talk about The Hills!God, I love how fake this picture is!
Anyways, last night saw some stupid, if not mildly interesting developments. Let's go character by character, and rate how the writers chose to play out each:

WHITNEY
Homegirl seemed to run that whole TeenVOGUE fashion show on her own. Sheah right! And monkeys might fly out of my butt (sorry, I have been watching Wayne's World on DVD quite a bit lately). You can't tell me that a multi-million dollar magazine wouldn't hire a crapload of party planners for an event this big. Andre Leon-Talley's floor-length mink coat budget alone is enough to make me know that VOGUE has more money than they know what to do with. I was not convinced. Also, I would have loved to seen some dramz. Like, rull dramz. I wanted to see a model fall or Amy Astley get drunk off her face and then her wig would fall off (does she not totally remind you of a witch from Roald Dahl's The Witches?) or hear Marc Jacobs make some lewd, ribald comment to one of the male models. No such luck.
Writer's Grade: C
Could have been good, could have been bad. But you made it boring.

LAUREN
Oh Christ, le sigh. What a snorefest. Additionally, I am not really liking her hair. Its too dark or too brown or too long. I dunno. Just don't like it.
Writer's Grade: D
Someone really hates Lauren this week, don't they?

AUDRINA
Audrina and Justin-Bobby-Flopsy-Hair go to see The Ruse (lame!) at some "dive bar" and then one of The Ruse guys wants to ask Audrina out (aka "back to my hotel to show you some guitars and stuff". You know how it goes). And he gets cock-blocked by Justin-Bobby! What a dick! He doesn't even like Audrina (what do you think they talk about when the cameras go off? Oh yeah, that's right - the relationship is a fake). Then Audrina films her monthly scene at Epic with an intern/girl who auditioned to play the character of Intern #1. Lame lame lame. Although it did make me mad to see Justin-Bobby deny that handsome crooner.
Writer's Grade: A-
Good one with the Bobby. Didn't think you guys could write him out to be even douchier than he already is.

HEIDI
So, it's Heidi's 21st B-day and she wants to celebrate like any of us do - at a lame, overpriced restaurant with her creedy pedophile-eyes boyfriend. He has "don't fuck with The Jesus" eyes (that one was for my friend Lee). So yeah, he buys her a supremely fugly Chanel bag and she is soooo excited for it. Yawn. Then their night is capped off with Heidi drinking water and re-arranging champagne glasses while Spencer checks messages on his BlackBerry.
Writer's Grade: B
A typical Spencer-Heidi storyline, which is pretty failsafe.

NEXT TIME ON THE HILLS
This was a little interesting. It seems that Whitney is back to second fiddle next week as she gives Lauren some lame advice that nobody asked for. Lauren and Heidi have a showdown where Lauren goes "I will forgive you, and I will forget you". Ooh, diss! Didn't see that one coming! Oh wait, saw it a mile away. Except you know they are just making it seem drammy so that when they become friends again it makes it all seem worth it. Except that deep down in your heart, you will know that you have wasted almost 10 hours of your life over the past 10 weeks. Sad. Also, I think that Justin-Bobby and Audrina might cut their losses and ditch eachother. To which Justin-Bobby will promptly sign his release-from-contract waiver and take his headshots down to American Apparel on Sunset. I hear they are looking for a new shift manager.
But what will become of Heidi and Spencer? Is she having second thoughts? Is he weirding me out completely? Where's Brody? Will Lo ever get her wonky cyclops eye fixed? Remember Lauren's sister Brianna? What ever happened to her?
So many questions need answering!!!