OMG, Perez was right!

Alright, so as you have all been made aware, I have stopped watching The Hills on a bi-religious basis since I found out that it is faker than my love for...uh...I dunno. Anyways, I have been watching it at my desk every Tuesday morning on mtv.ca with the volume on mute (because, really, do we need the dialogue?) and needless to say, it is boring me to tears. I feel like I'm watching a movie where the star died during filming and so they just splice other scenes together to make it look like he finished. Its the same shots of an LA restaurant, TeenVOGUE offices, Hillside Villas, and Spencer and Heidi's Love Shack (tin roof rusted). And last night was no exception - well, with the exception of them going to a gym to pretend to work out. Audrina, you aren't fooling anyone; the only muscles you work out are the ones that keep your finger down your throat. So Whitney picks up a trainer aka Meat-head aka Gym Ape. My friend Lauren H used to call them 'Floating Gorrilas' because they literally looked like gorrilas that were floating when they walked. I ruined this episode by going to Perez Hilton first this morning and seeing that he noticed that Whitney's trainer beau (Jarred, Jarrett, Gyro) had some shape-shifting hair. Ie: One scene it is all shaved short, "the next night" it is long, "the next day" it is shaved again. Come on, Hills! It's called a Polaroid and a continuity person! Jesus Christ! This is turning into one lazy charade. The Hills is like a parent trying to convince their kid the Easter Bunny is real while taking them to the grocery and picking out chocolate eggs while they are in the cart. "I can neither confirm nor deny that this large hollow Dora the Explorer will be in your bedroom tomorrow morning. Now which colour of Peeps do you want the Easter Bunny to bring you. Pink? Well, pick em up, there is only one pack left".
Additionally, I think I have a solution for the WGA strike in Hollywood: market all the prime-time sitcoms as reality shows. Tell people that The Office and 30 Rockare actually documentaries (fuck, they're more believable than The Hills). Problemo solved-o. Everybody wins.
Also also, have you sene this? Have you heard of this? Apparently, Jessie and Dan are going to be taping The Hills finale in LA? What the Hell? Sellouts!! But the bigger question is, what will the cast of The Hills do when the show ends? My predictions:
Lauren - crappy fashion line, Mark makeup ads, will date Heroes' Milo Vent-migglea, will end up on Home Shopping Channel.
Heidi - crappy singing career, will star in a National Lampoon movie (Sorority Rulez or Beach Bash or Freshman Freaks, will keep showing up to things a la Pheobe Price.
Whitney - will work at TeenVOGUE till it goes belly-up, then will marry a hockey player or something. Will spend most days silently crying into lattes.
Audrina - porn.
Spencer - will end up dating Heroes' Hayden Panna-tears after he dumps Heidi, then will downgrade to an FHM model.
Brody - will make me an honest woman.
Elodie - who gives a fuck?
Lo aka Cyclops - she will be on every Laguna/Newport Harbour show ever. She will eventually be a mom on MTV's Corona Del Mar 2021.
Peace! See you all tomorrow!!