Goddamned Ginger Wednesdays (just this week, I promise)

Well, skidpants and skidpanties (ew, I am truly sorry) it is December 12. Only 12 more sleeps till Christmas Eve Day, which is my favourite day. Everything is shiny and glittery, cookies are being baked, presents are all wrapped under the tree. Or in my house, its more along the lines of the dog shedding massive ammounts of hair and Swiffering 8 times, my kid sister is busily wrapping up her own CDs as presents (because, as she claims, she "just didn't have time to go to the mall") and we are just sitting down to fried cabbage, borscht, and pickled herring. I like borscht because it turns your shit purple. It's like a rainbow! But moving on, I decided to focus this Ginger day on two people who have brought me so much continual joy. No, not Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. Arthur Rankin Jr and Jules Bass aka Rankin/Bass aka Badass/Motherfuckers.
But while I love, love their work, I also have a small issue I need to take up with them. They seem to really feature the Gingers. Like, a little too much. Not sure what I'm talking about? Let's take a look at the Ginger Propaganda in the Rankin/Bass holiday repetoire, shall we?
Kris Kringle and Miss Jessica
Santa Claus is comin' to Town
Wow, where to start? Okay, first off, there is no way in Hell that Santa is a Ginger. Sorry, it would never happen. I know we are trying to teach Ginger tolerance here or something, but this is the equivalent of going "Ching Chong China, Jesus was an Asian. Deal with it". Although having Santa a Ginger is a pretty logical explanation for why he delivers presents at night and why he needs reindeer to help him fly (Gingers are notoriously bad drivers). Rankin/Bass, if you want to rape my memories of Santa, go nuts, but Mrs. Claus too? Bitch has some pale-ass skin here, and that hair is definately airing on the side of Ginge instead of Daywalker. Ew ew ew ew. It's a damn good thing Mr. and Mrs. Claus never pro-created, though. We do not need more Ginger babies!
Rudolph
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Okay, so I know Rudolph is an obvious choice, but do you understand how hard it is to find Rudolph's friend Fireball through Google image search? He is SUCH A GINGER. Rudolph tries so hard to hide his Gingerness by covering up his nose with what appears to be black, tar-y shit. Good call, hombre. Cover up your Gingerness! Nobody wants to see that shit. Additionally, Fireball was a much better flyer. You know why Santa picked Rudolph for his team? Because Gingers stick together. They are an elite group. Is Clarice a Ginger too? I am going to say yes. I think she is. Gingers are assholes; they want to be included with all our stuff, but then they only stick together, speaking their Ginger language (it sounds kind of like the Nell language), eating their Ginger food. Assimilate, goddamnit!
Heatmiser
The Year Without a Santa Claus
Holy shit, we aren't even trying to disguise the Ginge anymore, are we? Rankin/Bass might as well have named him Firecrotch. This is what I like to see in a Ginger character: accurate portrayal. He is a mean, selfish, jealous, snow-stealing asshole with claws and spiky teeth. Yep, sounds like every Ginger I know (sorry Erin!)
The Little Girl
The Easter Bunny is Comin' to Town
Wow, this little girl is hideous. I know she is just a plastic toy, but some on. Could we make her look any less desireable? She needs more than the Easter Bunny's help: she needs like, the Easter Bunny, Santa, Hannuka Harry, Guy Fawkes, the New Years Baby et all to repair that mangled mug.
The Leprechauns
The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold
Come on! They have their own holiday! Why do they need mine, too? Look, they get their one day a year to be money-grubbing Ginger theives; can they just leave Christmas alone? I am surprised Rankin/Bass didn't also make a Leprechauns' Hannuka Gold and Leprechauns' Ramadan Gold too. They are already stealing from one holiday, why not make it a hat-trick? I haven't seen this movie, but if anyone has, I would love to know what it is like. Well, I mean, I already know what it is like: two ugly midget Gingers rob people of their hard-earned money to satisfy their own sick, disgusting need for hoarding things of value. What I mean is, if it has any good songs in it or Burl Ives or a dancing penguin or something, then maybe I will watch it.