The Hills, the weekend, Christmas cards, innapropriet Christmas carols, and why I shouldn't own a Wii.

Good morning, turd sandwiches! How are you all this morning? Let's get right on to business, shall we? Ginger Tuesdays will be put off till tomorrow. Why? Because I have news on a bunch of other things right now. I think I should start posting on Mondays again; I just don't have enough days. Wow, I just sounded like a Cathy comic. Speaking of which, enjoy an LOLcaths:Yeah, lame. Whatever. Know whats SuperLame? The Hills last night. Uh, remember when season finale meant last fucking episode? Apparently, to MTV it means let's milk this cow till it dies, and then we will use the meat to make dogfood. Spoiler alert! Lauren goes to Paris and meets the guy of her dreams! Know how I know this? PerezHilton already published the casting notice for a "young french boy to show Lauren around Paris". Yep, sowwy! Anyways, leave you comments after the jump. Moving on, this weekend I made a gingerbread apartment building with my friends Ilana and Tina. It was good times, and if I can get a few pictures from them, I will post them (with blurred out faces of course. Which actually will look a little To Catch A Predator, eh? Also this weekend, Santa came a little early (oh my god, I can't believe I was actually about to sink so low as to make a came a little early joke involving Santa). We now have a Nintendo Wii in our house. This is a very big departure from the other system in our house, the Super Nintendo. Oh my god, that thing is a pile of shit. Just kidding! I loves me some Killer Instinct. But yeah, I need to get some other games because Wii Sports is a cruel joke. I don't like sports in real life, and I don't like sitting on my couch pretending to play them either. Also, that talking hat in Mario Party 8 is super annoying. God, don't forget that I am a super-spaz and using the Wii just adds to my horrible clumsiness and awkward, jerky movements.
Let's talk about Christmas, shall we? Only 14 days left and I am SHITTING MY PANTS WITH DELIGHT! I fucking love Christmas. Also, its not too late to get a free, custom-made Christmas card from The Mayor and I suggest you do. It will be worth..uh..somehting someday. Moving on, did you check out the Christmas Carol I wrote for BiteTV? No? Here it is, for your enjoyment. Paris Hilton's Santa Baby:

Santa Baby
Slip some Valtrex under the tree, for me
Been an awful gross whore
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the dicks to the face
Think of all the T-Mobile Sidekicks I’ve misplaced
Next year I’ll get more press than Lindsay
By showing off my mangled cooch to TMZ

Santa Baby
All the films I make really suck, I’d fuck
Anyone who saw “Pledge This”
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Any guy who spreads my ass cheeks
Will get a sore-ass dick that will itch for weeks
Santa, it burns every time I pee
I’m basically a breeding ground for STDs

Santa Baby
Trying to be less of a slut, my butt
Is pretty much a black hole
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Yeah, so I am 100% sure that the BiteTV editor isn't reading my stuff before it goes up. Come on, I am not evening alluding to anything; this is grounds for a defamation law suit or something. Oh wells! Once it is posted, it becomes the property of BiteTV and its affiliates. I'm off the hook! See you tomorrows, skids!