Write to The Mayor! She'll write you back!

Good morning, friendsters! Come, sit by the fire with me for a moment. Whilst putting more lights on my already small and frail Christmas Tree, I had a thought; what if there was one time in the year when I, The Mayor, would stop being a fucking asshole. Children, that time is Christmas. Christmas makes me such a softie; last night I put up my Playmobil nativity Scene, complete with tiny baby Jesus and tiny 3 Wise Men (aka tiny Plastic Terrorists; 2 out of three look like Osama). Additionally, I watched Elf and wrapped presents. And while the best way to spready Christmas cheer is to sing out loud for all to hear, I am not a singer. It's the lowest form of communication. But I thought there must be some way I can spread Christmas cheer. And there is! Take a look below!"But what does a shitty drawing of Santa and a poorly decorated cactus have to do with anything" you might ask? Well, in the spirit of my good internet friend Joe Mathlete, I am proposing this: send me your address and I will mail you a HAND DRAWN CUSTOM CHRISTMAS CARD by yours truly. That's right. The best part? It is 100% FREE! It's just my way of saying thanks for reading all year. Email me your address, and in 5-7 days you will have a real piece of art/trash that you can put on your mantle. Feel free to add any details like "please have a picture of me riding a dolphin dressed like Santa". Although that is probably the gayest thing I could make up, so don't write that. Also, it is the time of year where we stop acting like nards for 30 days, so all I ask in return for this FREE HAND DRAWN CUSTOM CHRISTMAS CARD is that you donate some money to your local food bank or shelter. K? Cools? Here are the deets to make sure you snag your own HAND DRAWN CUSTOM CHRISTMAS CARD:

Send your name and full mailing address to skipraid@gmail.com with 'Christmas Card' in the subject line. Write a tiny little blurb about what you would like on the card, or if you would just like something random, leave that blank. Also, now is a good time to mention that if you have parents or kids who can read in your house, please mention 'no swears or drawings of penises' because you never know what kind of mood I am in and whether or not I will send you a card with 10 Penises-a-Leaping.