Cats That Look Like Things! (yes, its come to this)

Happy Fucking Friday!! Now, remember when I said I wasn't going to be posting on Fridays anymore, just linking to the Bite Article I write once-a-week? Well, I realize that you get the bums end of the stick on that deal, so I figured once in a while I would actually give you something more than just Britney news on Friday. Of course, you can view the Bite Article here, or you could just stick around and read this.
Now, we have all seen the Cats that Look Like Hitler website. Snore, big deal, right?I decided to use my sleuthing skills (read: Google) to find some cats that look like other people other than The Big Hitlowski. Enjoy! I found some good ones.Cat that looks like Wilfred Brimley
Poor Wilfred Brimley. His career went from "guy who plays grizzly, rough around the edges farmers and sherrifs" to "guy who likes oatmeal and mispronounces Diabetes". His 'Diabeetus' ads are usually sandwiched between Cellino & Barnes ads on daytime WUTV television. Also, usually during Maury. Cat that looks like that Mr.Show sketch where Bob is a rapist
This one is obscure, but I know that at least one of you will get it out there (Mom). There was this sketch where Bob is larry Kleist, a rapist, who after being convicted, is forced to walk around with a guy who announces to everyone that he is a rapist. At his home, at his job. Long story short, he has to tell eveyone he is a rapist. This looks exactly like Bob Odenkirk.

Cat that looks like Lenin
MUST CRUSH CAPITALISM! How cute is this kitty? Apparently, its a little girl cat. Ooh! What a sweetie! I just want to cuddle her snuggly little Lenin face!Cat that looks like Jabba the Hut
Oooh meesa wanta Whiskas fish flavour. Mow mow mow. Wait a second...Jabba is just as racist sounding as Jar Jar Binks. Jabba...Jar Jar. Wait a sec. Jabba is the original offensive character! George Lucas, what do you have against black people?

That's it! Enjoy the Weekend! And just for fun, watch Rap Cat's music video. It's amazing.

America's Next Top Aspegers: Take a Lap

Yeah, sorry, I wasn't able to get a picture of the Crouching Tiger, Flying Tranny shots yet, so we will have to do with what we gots. Moving on. Today is a very special day for me. Today marks the beginning of a Final Four without Heather. And this is good news, cause bitch was getting on my nerves! When it came down to the final two, and it was just Heather and Jenah stading there, I was like "Dear baby Jesus. You know I hate Jenah with a passion. I think she is a turd-with-a-weave. But please have Heather eliminated. Amen."
I felt like Sophie's Choice at the judging. Did I want them to elimitate the retarded Jenah who has been boring me week after week with her innane and lame shots? Or did I want them to elimitate the girl who took 6 hours to go see one designer. Hello, 6 hours?!?! That's not Aspegers, people, that's a serious case of Fucking Moron. How does it take one almost 6 hours to go a couple of blocks down the street and back? I also loved when she was all pouty and lame and was like "all the signs are in Chinese...it's all Greek to me". Um, yeah. This isn't a trick thrown into the plan by Tyra to challenge you, homegirl. You are in MOTHERFUCKING CHINA!! All the signs should be in Chinese! And seriously, if the Ghetto Girls (Binaca and Saleisha) could do 4 go-sees and still make it back on time, then you should be able to as well.

I cannot even comment on the pictures, as they were such a dismal mess. Let me break it down for you: H&M meets china dresses and people holding lion puppets and chopsticks in the hair. The end.

OOh, now is the time I predict who will be the final 3! I am going to bet dollars to donuts that Jenah will be eliminated (sorry, Jenn L).
The final 3 will be Binaca, Saleisha, and Chantal. Who do you think the final 3 will be? Leave it in the comments!

Who Would You Do? Celino or Barnes?

Ignore the Missing Link in the midddle there; he has nothing to do with this competition. Instead, focus on the two hottest stallions this side of North Tonawonda: Ross Celino Jr and Stephen Barnes. While watching WUTV-FOX Buffalo 29, I sat thinking to myself if held at gunpoint, who would I rather have forcible and uncomfortable sex with? Yeah, that's honestly what I think about in my spare time. I need a life, whatever. Don't act like you never think about shit like that! Anyways, I rate them based on the 4 H's: hair, handsomness, history, and h'which one is least embarrasing. Let's get ready to rip apart the two sexiest businessmen with a law office right off I-22, beside Lockport Gambino Ford (Hi Mom!)

HAIR
This is a tough one, cause on one hand, we have a man who's nickname is probably 8-ball (not that it probably wasn't in the 80's either) and another man who's nickname is almost-probably Ape-Man. We have no safe middle: Celino and Barnes are like a cruel game of Would You Rather. Would you rather make out with a man who looks like he takes alopecia medicine or a man who looks like he's been chugging Rogaine smoothies all day? Hmmm...WINNER: Barnes
I'd rather make out with C3PO than Chewbacca. Wait, C3PO was gay, wasn't he? Shit.

HANDSOMNESS
Straight up, Celino is one sexy bitch. Also, Barnes looks like a prime candidate for a visit from Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator, team.WINNER: Celino
What more is there to say? Well, aside from the fact that I will be buying Celino a Remington Trimmer to fix up those furry caterpillars on his face.

HISTORY
They both have pretty interesting backgrounds. Barnes is a Gulf War vet and used to be an officer in the Marine Corps. And Celino...well, nothing is known about Celino. Which means only one thing: Mafia. I can imagine a young Barnes holding a rifle storming the beaches of...um...Saddam's house (shit, I know nothing about post-80s history). And I am then drawn to images of a young Celino working at Papa Celino's Pet Shop (Yeah, That's it, Pet Shop) making manhattans for Ugly Joe and Skinny Lenny the Mooch. Yep, just a coupla Pallies.WINNER: Barnes
Shit, I can only imagine how many bodies have ended up in Lake Erie at the hands of Celino. Actually, probably none. He kid of looks like a pussy.

H'WHICH ONE IS LEAST EMBARRASING
This is a tough one. Very very tough. Who would I be least embarrased to be seen with? Yeah, that's sad eh? I would rather get down with a gay robot than Celino or Barnes. Can you blame me?

GINGER TUESDAYS ARE BACK!!

That's right, tids! With the recent advent of really, really lame episodes of The Hills, and with more allegations coming forward that the show is one big pile of fakeness, not to mention that the show is booooring now, I have decided to put an immediate halt to any and all Hills posts. It's like every new episode makes me sadder and sadder I have wasted so much time on Lauren, Whitney, Audrina, and Heidi. I was recently reading Perez Hilton (like I always do; I hate him, but I love him. He's like CNN for valley girls) and he mentioned that right now, Lauren and Whitney et all are filming episodes in Paris. Yep. And rumour has it (is it even a rumour anymore? It's more like obvious fact) MTV producers just held an open call for a male lead for Lauren to fall head-over-heels with. What part of The Hills makes it a reality show? The fact that its stars are real girls, not robots? That they use real film to shoot on (not that sub-par Flam: film-like image recordable tape)? I don't get it. It's either the fakest reality television show ever, or the lamest, most boring teen drama ever.

With that being said, I am ushering in a new era of Ginger Tuesday. Today we will honour the Skip-Raid's time honoured tradition of dehumanizing Gingers on the most holy of anti-Ginger days: Tuesday. And now I bring you today's Ginger. How I missed this Ginger is beyond me. Classy. Lazy. A lover of Bon-Bons. My personal hero...Name: Margaret "Peggy" Bundy
Age: 40-ish?
Why is she famous? Because she was on one of the best shows ever, Married...with Children.
Okay, remember when you were a kid, and there was the Big 3 shows most kids weren't allowed to watch? Married...with Children, Roseanne, and The Simpsons. Well thanks to my parents having faith early on that I would be a humorist (that, or they just gave up on me) they let me watch all three. Oddly enough, the only show I wasn't allowed to watch was Power Rangers (I know - they thought it would encourage my sister and I to fight). Whatever, that show was lame anyways. But yeah, I loved Married. I hate when people act so pompous and treat low-brow humour like dogshit stuck to their shoe. To me, low-brow is According to Jim. Or Yes, Dear. Or The Bill Engval Show. Married is still as funny today as it was 10 years ago. And while I do love Peg, despite being a daywalker, I do enjoy that she did not produce any gross Ginger offspring. Just Kelly and Bud (aka Grandmaster B, aka Bed-wetter B, Cross-Dresser B, Grandma B, Grand bastard, Grand Marshall B)
Anyways, I encourage all of the naysayers out there to sit and watch an episode or two, and you will realize that Married...with Children was fucking hilarious.

Did you celebrate Buy Nothing Day? Yeah, neither did I.

So, remember way back to Friday when I encouraged all you scabs to buy nothing on Buy Nothing Day? Turns out I'm a big-fat hypocrite, as I bought seveal things I really didn't need. Wait, not true - I bought an assorted sub from SubWay, which I totally needed, because I was starving. And I bought this brass thing which hangs a Christmas wreath on your front door. I needed that to prove to my good-for-nothing neighbors that I am a jolly old soul this time of the year, and if they don't pipe down I'm going to leave a Very Merry Burning Bag of Dogshit at their door.
So yeah, I feels bad, but its not like I was one of those losers who was camping out at a Best Buy overnight so they could get $25 off a digital camera or something.
Additionally, I am sorry for using the term 'smug, shit-eating grin' twice in one week. I just like it so much!
See you tomorrow guys! I have some essiting news for yous alls! (PS - when my kid sister was little, she had a weird speech impediment where she said Gs and Xs like Ss. So exciting because essited. What a cutie).

Got some time to kill?

Check out this week's Skip-Raid post over at the Bite TV Blog. It really is something special. Actually, it's not that bad.

Today is Buy Nothing Day!

Good morning, all! It's that time of the year! Adbuster's annual Buy Nothing Day! Today I urge you to take a break from spending money on frapps and SubWay and stupid shizz and give your wallet a rest. I know I'm being preachy; you will get this once a year, so sit down, shut up, and tune me out if you really need to. Why Buy Nothing?

Driving hybrid cars and limiting industrial emissions is great‚ but they are band–aid solutions if we don’t address the core problem: we have to consume less. This is the message of Buy Nothing Day. Kalle Lasn

People, the long and short of it is that buying a lot of stupid shit you don't need is retarded. There are countries in the developing world where people exist on $2 a day. I think as a society we need to start thinking a little harder about how much we are taking from the earth. Seriously, do we need stores like Stitches and Campus Crew? No, we don't. Take a visit over to the AdBusters website for more information on how you can take baby steps to make a difference. While you are there, think about having a Buy Nothing Christmas. Now that doesn't mean show up to Christmas with a smug, shit-eating grin on your face and empty arms; it means take the time and money you would have spent in the mall and put it to better use.
- make presents for your friends, like cookies or scarves
- draw your Christmas cards
- donate money to a charity that would be important to the recipient
It's really not hard. I know I sound like a fucking tard right now, but it's the truth. We need to take a little bit of a good, hard look at how we are living our lives. Trust, we don't need another sweater from Hollister.

America's Next Top Tranny: First week in China! Big American Party! Everybody disco dancing!!

I could have easily, EASILY gone with a "who is driving? Bear is driving?!? How can this be?" joke, but I didn't. Sorry, it just wasn't in me this morning. I am very very happy though, and I am sure you know why...
Cue Handel's MessiahLisa's gone! Praise Jesus! That dumb slag was getting on my last nerve and I wanted her to be gone so bad. Ugh, she was just like this girl I know who is always smiling this shit-eating grin, and who is "never sad, always happy!" and its like "bitch, quit frontin". Nobody is happy all the time; stop acting you phony bitch. Anyways, Lisa is just like that - a phony ass bitch. A trick-ass mark, if you will (I have no idea what that means).
Long story short, last night she cried like a fucking Holocaust victim every 5 minutes. Jesus Christ, Lisa, I'll give you something to cry about. Lisa seems like that girl who will go to a WW2 memorial or to The Centre for Drug Abuse and Recovery or a homeless shelter and someone will be like "I saw my best friend die in my arms. It was one of the worst days of my life" and then Lisa would pipe in, with her phony ass actor voice, close her eyes, and go "I know...I...totally understand (dramatic sigh) I once, wow - this is harder to talk about than I thought. I once forgot all my lines on a CoverGirl commercial shoot." Its like, fuck, shut up; your problems are trivial, you stupid drama queen.
Anyways, that's my daily diatribe. In other news, here are the remaining 5 and their CoverGirl shots. In honour of American Thanksgiving, here come the turkeys!!CHANTAL
Okay, you all know I think Chantal is the shit; homegirl has seriously grown on me. This picture is a little too cutesy-poo, but that's Chantal. Down-home, girl next door, country bumpkin. I think Chantal will be in the final 3 for sure. Also, Heather is a turd, but I kind of liked that Chantal stood up for Heather when the other girls were picking on her. Awwww, Full House moment.BINACA
Wah wah wah, I'm a huge baby. I'm ascared of heights. Boo hoo, I can't do it. Cry cry cry. I have trust issues.ASSBURGERS
The ANTM retoucher is working overtime and needs a raise, cause this picture of Heather doesn't look a thing like her. GOOD! She is an Uggers McCuggers and needs all the help she can get. She should get a sponsorship from Adobe Photoshop. Dare I say it; Heather looks VERY PRETTY here! Her hair is so shiny and pretty and her face doesn't look like that of someone who owns a Meth lab. She even picked out a nice shirt! Wow, good jobbers! Now if only she wasn't SO GODDAMNED ANNOYING!JENAH
Next!SALEISHA
Oh my gosh, how cute was Tootie's commercial last night? Saleisha totally has the chance to win this competition, and I think she really wants it too. I am not a fan of this vest, or the makeup, or this shot in general. But Saleisha can pull off the CoverGirl attitude and, shit what am I saying? CoverGirl is bargain makeup with lame, rhyming commericals and Queen Latifah. Who the hell would want to be associated with that? I love in the commercial when they are like "the only compact that is preferred 2 to 1 to the leading Department Store compacts". Um, yeah, that's because compact foundation is so gross. Clinique and MAC have learned this well. Ew, like that sponge that comes with the compact should be a dare in Fear Factor. As someone with a penchant for acne, the thought of applying makeup that has more bacteria than the Greyhound station's washroom is giving me the chills right now. Also, Queen Collection? As in Queen Latifah? Are you serious? Does the makeup come with a built-in voice activator that goes "Mmm-hm! I ain't goin' wit no crazy white girl! Fo sho, boyee!" That's basically the only line of dialogue that Queen Latifah speaks in any movie.

Next week on America's Next Top Tranny...
The girls do their go-sees! Jenah freaks out about something (aka she is so going home next week)! More weird Asian stuff! Tyra gets a new wig! Peace out!

Goddamned Ginger Wednesday: Creepy Two-fer Edition!

Good People:
What grosses me out almost as much as Gingers? I'll give you a hint: they are usually weird looking. They usually have a super-fucked-up secret language. They wet the bed till they are 13 (I can only assume). That's right, it's twins! Twins gross me out almost as much as Gingers. Not all twins, though. Just 99% of them. Here's a quick story for you: my Great Aunt Nancy had twins, two girls. Then both of the twins had twins. Yep. That's like one in 8 billion or something. Additionally, none of them are hideous, have their own made-up language, or are creepy as hell. But enough about my fantastic family.
I also hate twins because, as I have stated before, there were twins at my high school who had the same birthday as me. Stole my damn birthday thunder every damn year. Fuck 'em. Anyways, what does this have to do with Gingers? Well, I realized something: the odd time a Ginger will come along that I don't mind. I don't love them (like Prince William of ADA Casey Novak) but I don't hate them. One of these such Gingers was Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley. Very pretty, very talented. Not too many freckles. But then she decided to release a solo album and CREEP THE FUCK OUT OF ME!How to thoroughly creep my ass out:
Step 1: Ginger
Step 2: Twins
Step 3: Hallway reminicent of The Shining
Step 4: Refer only to twins as Watson Twins
Yep, my pants are pissed. The only thing that would have tipped this off the chain would be if she named the album Rabbit Fur Soul or something equally sinister. God, it totally sucks though cause the album was really really good. When it came down to it, I decided to burn the album because it was creeping me out too much. Turns out I was right: the minute that shit hit the fire, fucking souls started flying out, moaning something about 'freedom'. Anyways, I was to busy making a sandwich to pay attention.

OMG, Perez was right!

Alright, so as you have all been made aware, I have stopped watching The Hills on a bi-religious basis since I found out that it is faker than my love for...uh...I dunno. Anyways, I have been watching it at my desk every Tuesday morning on mtv.ca with the volume on mute (because, really, do we need the dialogue?) and needless to say, it is boring me to tears. I feel like I'm watching a movie where the star died during filming and so they just splice other scenes together to make it look like he finished. Its the same shots of an LA restaurant, TeenVOGUE offices, Hillside Villas, and Spencer and Heidi's Love Shack (tin roof rusted). And last night was no exception - well, with the exception of them going to a gym to pretend to work out. Audrina, you aren't fooling anyone; the only muscles you work out are the ones that keep your finger down your throat. So Whitney picks up a trainer aka Meat-head aka Gym Ape. My friend Lauren H used to call them 'Floating Gorrilas' because they literally looked like gorrilas that were floating when they walked. I ruined this episode by going to Perez Hilton first this morning and seeing that he noticed that Whitney's trainer beau (Jarred, Jarrett, Gyro) had some shape-shifting hair. Ie: One scene it is all shaved short, "the next night" it is long, "the next day" it is shaved again. Come on, Hills! It's called a Polaroid and a continuity person! Jesus Christ! This is turning into one lazy charade. The Hills is like a parent trying to convince their kid the Easter Bunny is real while taking them to the grocery and picking out chocolate eggs while they are in the cart. "I can neither confirm nor deny that this large hollow Dora the Explorer will be in your bedroom tomorrow morning. Now which colour of Peeps do you want the Easter Bunny to bring you. Pink? Well, pick em up, there is only one pack left".
Additionally, I think I have a solution for the WGA strike in Hollywood: market all the prime-time sitcoms as reality shows. Tell people that The Office and 30 Rockare actually documentaries (fuck, they're more believable than The Hills). Problemo solved-o. Everybody wins.
Also also, have you sene this? Have you heard of this? Apparently, Jessie and Dan are going to be taping The Hills finale in LA? What the Hell? Sellouts!! But the bigger question is, what will the cast of The Hills do when the show ends? My predictions:
Lauren - crappy fashion line, Mark makeup ads, will date Heroes' Milo Vent-migglea, will end up on Home Shopping Channel.
Heidi - crappy singing career, will star in a National Lampoon movie (Sorority Rulez or Beach Bash or Freshman Freaks, will keep showing up to things a la Pheobe Price.
Whitney - will work at TeenVOGUE till it goes belly-up, then will marry a hockey player or something. Will spend most days silently crying into lattes.
Audrina - porn.
Spencer - will end up dating Heroes' Hayden Panna-tears after he dumps Heidi, then will downgrade to an FHM model.
Brody - will make me an honest woman.
Elodie - who gives a fuck?
Lo aka Cyclops - she will be on every Laguna/Newport Harbour show ever. She will eventually be a mom on MTV's Corona Del Mar 2021.
Peace! See you all tomorrow!!

Good Morning, It's Snowing, Merry Christmas!!!

Okay, so first off, today's post is dedicated to a few very special readers. I know I know, 2 seconds of sap and I'll be right into shit jokes. Hold your horses. First, shouts go out to Annie in London who reads alot. She also has a roomate who has been in the clink for dunken-disorderly, which I found very funny. You just don't see that anymore. Secondly, shouts go out to my Mom, as she reads every day and has now gotten her friends onto The Skip-Raid. Which is baffling, because usually people over 35 are thoroughly disgusted with this site. Ah wells. Thirdly, a big, BIG set of snaps go out to Lauren in Montreal. We used to say the sentance above (Good morning, it's snowing, Merry Christmas!) when the snow would start to fall. And, unless you are blind or never leave your home, this morning was the first snow!! Callou-callay!I think we might actually have a winter this year (fuck, remember last year? It was like 4 months of October).
With that being said, I am officially excited for Christmas. Last weekend, I bought a new Christmas CD that will be played in steady rotation with Mariah Carey's Christmas album and A Kenny and Dolly Christmas. You know that record? The one made before Kenny got fat and really into roasted chicken, and before Dolly...well, Dolly is still fucking awesome (she is one of my heroes). Additionally, every year I make a gingerbread house. Every. Year. And this year will be no exception. I will make one and post some pictures, but I need your help. Previous years have included a Gingerbread Trailer, Gingerbread Cottage, Gingerbread OCAD, and a Gingerbread Mainstreet. So what should I do this year? What candies will look awesome on what? I need some help people. Together, we can make the best Gingerbread...thing ever!
PS - that is so not a Gingerbread House I have made - I found this one on Google image search. MINE WILL BE BETTER!!

America's Next Top Tranny, All-Heather Haterade Edition!

Before I go any further, I must make a sad, sad announcement. My dear Intern, Tylerface is taking some time off, and will be absent from the ANTM critiques for a while. He writes:

Well! Hate to break the news, but I'm completely crammed with university stuff and honestly have no time for human activities anymore. Which could be deemed good, because a lot of people complain about the length of your ANTM posts! FUCK EM! but now they can get what they want. I feel like Sarah McLachlan should serenade me off or something.
I WILL REMEMBER YOUUUUU. WILL YOU REMEMBER MEEEEEE? DONT LET YOUR LOVEEE PASSS MEEE BYY... something something... THE MEMORRYYYY.
I am complete! I may write periodically about it - perhaps like an over all summary of the episode in like.. three sentences but you know. Crammage. I had a nervous breakdown yesterday and left school! I AM STRONG!
I may possibly be back next week.. or at least the top three.

You will be missed during your hiatus, my dear. Now on to the good stuff. If you watched last night, and are anything like me, you spent a good part of the evening cringing and awkwardly searching for an escape route everytime Heather opened her trick-ass mouth.Twiggy and Nigel and Tyra were all like "this photo is ahmayzingks!!" Um, no. This photo looks like Heather is about to plop-a-squat and drop an assbuger. You know what? The "poor me, I'm Heather, I have Aspergers" is wearing a little thin. Last time I checked, Aspergers doesn't affect your ability to take a joke. Did you see her fighting with Saleisha in the shower?!? Take it ease, Heather! Its a goddamn shower with 4 goddamn shower heads. You can't "call" the whole thing, genius! It's a communal shower! Shit, she was getting on my last nerve this week. And Twiggy was all "I have nevah seen a gill who looks like huh befoh." Really? It's called 'Canada'. We have tonnes of brown-hair, brown-eyes girls. They aren't that rare. But enough about Heather. We need to discuss who isn't going to China next week. And y'all know I wish I was talking about Lisa, but...Poor Ambreal! I loved this shot!! It was one of my favourites. But sadly I had to agree with that Stephen King-looking motherfucker; she isn't exactly America's Next Top Model. She is pretty and funny and stuff, but she just isn't it. Bye bye girl, you will be missed! Say hi to Sarah for me!
And now for the leftovers that will be stinking up the fridge 'till next Wednesday...

BINACA
I really enjoy this shot. Bianca can do no wrong in my eyes. The only thing I am a little worried about is what is up with homegirls' hair? Why did they add all that gold powder into it? I also felt bad for Bianca when they had to meet up with the FIT designers (or wherever the hell it was) and Bianca got the WORST designer! Her dress looked like shit when she walked down the runway. Also, there was a great deal of sideboob going on. Not good.

CHANTAL
I love love love Chantal, and while she has a snowball's chance in hell of winning, she will definately have a career after this. Probably with FHM, but a career nonetheless. Also, why did all the other girls get glittery, sequinned dresses, and Chantal got a dress that I think I wore to a birthday party in 1991?

JENAH
You know, I just don't know what to think of Jenah. She will take a good shot, but in real life, she is just so uggers. Admit it - she is really ugly. But her shots are good, so meh. But yeah, don't get too attached - she will be gone soon. Trust.

LISA
Ugh, I hate this bitch almost as much as I hate Heather. Boring! She is such a turd. Why is she always posing in her room? I really loved it when she flubbed her lines on the runway, though. That was priceless. Then when she came backstage and was like "looks like I'm not going to be America's Next Top Model...". Yeah, I can only hope.

SALEISHA
Saleisha is my girl. That Stephen King weirdo from Elite is right; you just wanna be friends with her. I would LOVE to be friends with Ole' Saley. But this picture stinks something fierce. I don't like it. I think it's the hair. KEEP THE TOOTIE!

Next week...
The girls go to ching-chong-China (not my joke, it's from Wondershowzen) and get to film CoverGirl commercials that will never air. Awesome! Also, it looks like a few have some serious trouble remembering their lines. Yesss! And Tyra picks up a few new wigs (pfft, probably). Hey hos, pick me up some fake Louis Vuitton while you are there, k? Peace!

Goddamned Ginger Wednesdays

Alright, so there were a couple of Gingers I wanted to do today (ew, not like that) but I couldn't decide. Then, like a light radiating from the eyes of Sweet Baby Jesus, it hit me. I was watching Law & Order: SVU as usual last night, and I have come to the realization that there is one Ginger I like. Nay, admire.Name: Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak
Why is she famous? She puts rapists and pedos in jail (when it is in her jurisdiction within the criminal justice system of the state of New York).
I know many of you took one look at the picture and went "yawn...I hate Law & Order: CSI Cold Case" and you are right. CSI and Cold Case and all those other gay-ass (like lame, not like homer-sexual) stupid crime scene shows are so nauseatingly bad. Even Law & Order: Criminal Intent is pretty lamesville. But SVU is amazing. Fuck, the show has Ice-T playing a cop. And he's actually believable. Plus, they have a mish-mash of races on the show, which is pretty cool.
Det. Stabler/Christopher Meloni - white
Det. Benson/Mariska Hargitay - Italian?
Richard Belzer - maybe the Matrix
Ice-T - Black (and ghetto. SVU has no time for PC bullshit)
BD Wong - Asian (doye...and he doesn't play an Asian stereotype. Unless you count all the times he makes a mistake with DNA samples in the lab and goes "me so solly!!". JK - that never happens)
ADA Casey Novak - Ginger
The New Guy I Don't Like and Haven't Bothered to Learn His Name (but he is Ice-T's new partner and Ice-T doesn't like him) - Mexican (although in real life he is Native Canadian)
But back to ADA Ginger. Casey Novak takes no shit from no one. Last week, she convinced a serial killer to testify against one of his fans who was mimicking his murders in exchange for his release from Rikers into a better prison. He was totally up for it and then BAM! Bitch got him transfered to 24-hour solitary-and-beatdown prison! She double-crossed him! And she's all "yeah, bitch, whachagon'do about it?!?"
She is definately the HBIC of the New York legal system. And yet, she always manages to be pretty. Like when she dyed her awful, awful Ginger hair blonde. See, so pretty! Why did she have to go back to Ginge! Maybe she wasn't being taken as seriously as she'd like with blonde hair, so she went back to Ginge (mostly to scare the defendant).
Also, I need to comment on the writer's guild strike right now. The writers of America are not big, whiny babies (as many have been describing them) but just honest, hard working people who need a raise. With that being said, I hope this strike goes on forever, cause you know NBC is going to start airing Law & Order: SVU non-stop to keep their viewers happy. So I say, strike on writers! You go for that cash grab! And everyone else cross your fingers that they show more SVU and less Chuck or Reaper or the rest of that shit that will be cancelled in 3 months.

Callou Callay!!

Okay, so I know you've seen this picture before; its the notorious shot of my kid sister wearing my most prize'd of vintage items, my 80's Foster Grant Fakefarers. They are white and more rubbery than plastic. They are my babies. Anyways, they went missing and from exercising every option from leaving them behind in the mall to my no-good-nick sister stealing them and then losing them, I could not pin down where they went. So months, months, had gone by and no sign of the glasses. Normally it would just be a case of 'sunrise, sunset' but they weren't originally mine. They were my friend Toms. He had bought them years before and knew I wanted a pair, so he gave them to me for my birthday. So I felt like a dick for losing them. This weekend I went to the BF's parent's house and since I don't really have a suitcase suitable for a one-night stay (or an over-night bag, if you will) I had to pack everything in my old school backpack. I decided to take out my earrings (as they were bothering me) and put them in the front pocket and when I reached in, guess what I found?!? I was OVERJOYED. I am such a loser, but what can you do. Anyways, like Hurricane Katrina, these past 5 months have been an ordeal, and I would like to than the following people for their continued support:

My sister Alex.
Thank you for not stealing them like I assumed you had. PS - steal them again, and I will break your fingers.

My friend Tomislav.
Thank you for giving me these sunglasses. I am sorry I "lost" them. They are my favourite pair and I will guard them with my life.

Lindsay Lohan.
Thank you for being in rehab in Utah for so long. With you out of the public eye, there were no papparazzi shots of you wearing your white Wayfarers, therefore there were a lot less douche-a-ma-rouches wearing white Wayfarers.

American Apparel.
Okay, I got my white sunglasses back. Will you stop wearing them? I don't want to be mistaken for a douchebag, so if you could just adopt some new trend, then I will be very pleased.

Foster Grant.
Thank you for making such awesome glasses.

Value Village.
Thank you for deeming my sunglasses old and ugly and therefore selling them for $2.

PS - The Hills sucked last night, eh? Fuck, what a waste of film.

Reader beware, you're in for a scare.

Kids, in honour of the weekend, the best time of the week, I have decided to take you on a little trip down memory lane, back to Elementary School and Library book sales. Back to making coffee for your 8th grade art teacher because you didn't want to go sit alone at recess (oh, maybe that was just me then). That's right; today I give my two cents on the best, the worst, and the downright lame in the world of Goosebumps. Because let's face it - Are You Afraid of the Dark? was just a sub-par Goosebumps rip-off (seriously, how gay was the Midnight Society?) Less do dis!

THE BESTThe Girl who Cried Monster
Honourable mentions: Welcome to Dead House, The Haunted Mask, Becareful What You Wish For, Welcome to Camp Nightmare.

Okay, this book was definately one of the sickest based on one thing: The Red Herring. Many Goosebumps books simply tried to scare you with monsters and mummies and shit, but a truly good Goosebumps book scared the living shit out of you with a freaky twist ending. The Girl who Cried Monster is all about this girl who accidentally catches her school librarian eating weird shit, then running home and telling her parents that he is a monster. He parents are all "sh'eah right, homegirl" and decide to invite him over for dinner to prove her wrong. Turns out, he is a monster. Psyche! Her family invites him over to eat him because THEY are the monsters, and don't want any monsters on their turf. Come on, this is freaky shit for an eleven-year-old.
While the other mentioned don't all have twist endings, they are pretty boss for the following reasons:
Welcome to Dead House - first in the series. Can't leave it out.
The Haunted Mask - she had a Halloween mask permanently affixed to her face!
Be Careful What You Wish for - a mean-ass 12-year-old girl who makes fun of a nerd gets her comeuppance from a gypsy lady. It's like Mean Girls, but...you know...with a gypsy.
Welcome to Camp Nightmare - awesome twist ending. Turns out the summer camp is a training facility for aliens-that-look-identical-to-humans planning to hijack Earth.

THE WORSTStay Out of the Basement
Honourable mentions: Monster Blood, The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb, Ghost Beach, The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight.

Okay, when I say 'the worst' what I really mean is 'books that were so boring I couldn't finish them'. Come on, those books were like 50 pages long with 14 pt. type! How could you not finish one? Because it was about a boring-ass scientists who grows boring-ass plants in his boring-ass basement (that I have been advised to stay out of). But seriously? A scary basement writes itself: it's dark, there's cement floors, pipes are rattling, spiders all over the damn place, creepy out-of-date Christmas decorations. You know that scene in Home Alone where Kevin goes into the basement and the furnace seems to be growling at him? Yeah, now add a stupid plant-guy. Congratulations RL Stein, you just went from scary to a biology lecture. Thanks. Here are some more crappy, boring storylines that are mostly guesses since I never finished the book.
Monster Blood - creepy goo that makes things big or weirds them into different stuff. So, basically the plot of The Nutty Professor (also see Monster Blood 2, in which the blood makes a hamster grow into a giant, snarly hamster. I think that may qaulify as Copyright Infringement.)
Curse of the Mummy's Tomb - bla bla bla mummies bla bla bla curses bla bla bla every other fucking story about finding a mummy ever.
Ghost Beach - there's a ghost. There's a beach. And yet? No story about a spooky surfer from the 60's. Lame.
The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight - jesus, what the fuck is a scarecrow going to do? Eat your brains? IT'S A FUCKING SCARECROW!

THE DOWNRIGHT LAMEPiano Lessons can be Murder
Honourable mentions: Go Eat Worms!, Why I'm Afraid of Bees, Night of the Living Dummy, Pretty much the remaining 50 books.

Piano lessons? Piano Lessons?!? You wrote a horror novel about montherfucking piano lessons?!? What, Don't Take out the Trash and The Haunted Laundry didn't appeal to the publisher? Jesus Christ, how lame can you get? The story is about a kid who takes piano lessons on a piano that he found in the attic of his new house. He hears piano playing every night, so you are made to think that the story is going to be all about this goddamned haunted piano. Nope, its about his weird-ass piano teacher. The story goes on to make you think that the piano teacher may be some pedophile or something, but nope. He's a robot. He is saved by the school janitor (because aparently, he takes lessons in the school?) and then it is revealed that the janitor made the teacher-bot. Oookaye. The the janitor is killed by the ghost of the kid's piano. Wow. Thanks. You might as well have just called this one The Tale of the Story Written on RL Stein's Lunchbreak. Other "RL Stein, WTF dude?" stories are:
Go Eat Worms! - some nerd likes dissecting worms and then they try to kill him. A haunting tale of animal cruelty. Or the horrors of being a nerd, I dunno.
Why I'm Afraid of Bees - I'll tell you why I'm afraid of bees. Two words: My Girl.
Night of the Living Dummy - ugh, I hate stories about haunted dummies or haunted dolls or haunted hand puppets, cause I'm always just like "fuck, throw its haunted ass in a fire." Instead, they keep them around and spend the whole story going "oh no! I think Baby Wiggles is haunted! What do we do? I can't throw her out, she's a cherished childhood plaything! But she did kill my parents....what do I do?!?"

MY FAVOURITE COVERS
Goosebumps had some pretty awesome illustrations, eh? Shit, some of them made me scared before I even read the lame description on the back. They also sort of scared me because some poor kid would check it out, take it home, and it would come back with peanut butter all over the bumpy, raised lettering and Coke stains in the pages. Also, once I found a booger between the pages. Shit, alot of kids I went to school with were clearly raised in the garbage.This was the first and only in a series called RL Stein's really gay monsters.This one still gives me chills.I could easily make a Michael Vick joke, but it's Friday and I'm lazy.Ah, the horrors of masturbation.I love the kids just chillin in the background. "Fuck Mom, I said no onions in the potato salad!"
"Jeremy, don't talk to your mother that way!"
"YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD, ARTIE!!"Remember how Adam West was in the TV episode of this one? I also thought that Mark Hamill was in it too, but then I realized I was confusing it with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back."Last one in is a rotten...ghost!"
That gets me evertime. I think Dane Cook used to write the small joke-lines on the Goosebumps covers.

America's Next Top Tranny - Cycle 9 with The Mayor and Intern Tylerface

The Mayor: Okay, so first off, the Intern of all Interns, Tylerface, is back! Golf claps. And I promise that this post won't be too long. Secondly, I HAD to post this picture of King Douche himself, Enrique Iglesias. I know he is such a tool, but I sort of think he may be hot. Oh shit, I must be coming down with the flu. Damnit! Why did I refuse that flu shot? But enough about my mistakes. Let's bounce this off...
Intern Tylerface: WHY DO MY HO'S ALWAYS GET KICKED OUT?! Sarah was amazing. Probably the only reason I enjoyed the show!
"I just had sex with Tyson in my mind... now I'm okay."
R.I.P GIRL! I thought she was good, but Tyra can't keep an ex-plus sized girl. Tyra, stop being bitter! Did you see Sarah cry after she was kicked out? I nearly burst out into my own tears! (wow. I get way too attached.)
The Mayor: Agreed! I loved Sarah!! She was high-lar-ee-uss, but Tyra and Nigel were right - she wasn't fat enough to be a plus-sized model, and she was too fat to be a normal-sized model. Diss. Now, I can't really totally judge these ho's cause I was baby-sitting at the time. I may have forgotten almost everything about taking care of a child, but I do know that you don't leave a kid in the bath unnattended while you go downstairs and drink a Diet Coke and watch ANTM. But I will try.
Intern Tylerface: I'm not sure whether or not I can judge this episode because there were no pictures so; here it goes.

LISA
Intern Tylerface: Meh. Just meh. Her foot thing was boring. The only thing I liked was her face at the end of her take. She looked to bitchy. There's my girl!

HEATHER
The Mayor: Ho-lay shit, was Heather ever awkward looking!! But I have to give her credit - if I had to act like I was trying to seduce Enrique Iglesias, it would just end with me dry heaving into my mouth and going "I can't do it...I can't...I can't do it".
Intern Tylerface: But how about her crawling with Tyra? Can you say The Ring?

SALEISHA
Intern Tylerface: Huh. She did okay. She basically did everything Bianca did but better. So, she's on my good side this week.

BIANCA
The Mayor: Okay, you al know that Binaca is my main ho (right after Sarah. We be missin' you, boo) but she looked straight-up 1-900 commercial girl. How is she still around? There, I said it.

AMBREAL
Intern Tylerface: Now, she may have been saved last week - but she didn't need it this time 'round! Ho worked it. I don't know what Tyra was on. Hoochie? It was an Enrique video! She had an obligation to be a slut! God!

CHANTAL
The Mayor: Oh my god, she is really pretty and I think Tyra needed to lay off her. Sure, she "did nothing" and "just stood there", but I think that's cause deep down in her heart she was saying "this...is...retarded. I hope nobody sees this". Oh wait, it's an Enrique video! Chantal, you have nothing to worry about.

JENAH
Intern Tylerface: Ho got a wakeup call this week! You don't smile when you're being a sexy vampire. Yeah, that's the only lesson. You know this girl is going to the top.
The Mayor: Top o' the retard heap. Boo-yah.

Next week on America's Next Top Model
The Mayor: Some bogus, fake story line about being stranded in the desert. Boo, lame. Scarier shit would be like getting stranded in Tyra's wig room. Oh snap! That would be like the Hall of Heads in that scary-ass movie Return to Oz. Don't worry, Tylerface, it is before your time.
Intern Tylerface: Don't forget that Heather goes apeshit in the shower! Someone call Naomi Watts! Copy the tape! NO! AIDAN WATCHED IT! YOUR PICTURE IS DISTORTED! BUT YOU DON'T DIE! YOU COME BACK IN THE SEQUEL TO HAVE THE SAME THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU! WATCH OUT! YOU MAY CATCH BORING! And there's no cure for that, hun.

Goddamned Ginger Wednesday

Ew ew ew!! My mother, who hates Gingers almost as much as I, emailed me the link to this website and said "this can't be real". Oh yes, Mamah, tis. Its called Realm of Redheads and they sell gross Gingery shit like 'wacky' t-shirts (so ribald!) and hoodies with sayings like "Consider the hair a warning label!" (yeah, Warning! May suck soul) and "It's a redhead thing...you wouldn't understand!" (no, you're right, I wouldn't. I have a fully-functioning brain and your thoughts are beyond me).
But the best comes in the form of the member's forum, where you can find profiles and interviews of ACTUAL GINGERS. Here are a few of my favourites. WARNING! NSFSS - not safe for sensitive stomachs. Better yet, tell the kids to go into another room. Great Aunt Mable, too. Her heart may be to weak for this. Click on Gross Ginger awaits you to view them in all their horror!
Gross Ginger #1 awaits you.
Best quote? Her answer to "single, involved, or married?" was Very Single. You don't say?
Gross Ginger #2 awaits you.
Best quote? Her stupid-ass nickname. WindDancer. I wish I could make this stuff up. Also, all her answers sound like I am reading a Cathy comicstrip.
Gross Ginger #3 awaits you.
This lady is really more of a daywalker, but please check out where she would love to live - it's the first question. Brilliant. Also, she considers Weekend at Bernies "a hoot".
Gross Ginger #4 awaits you.
But please check out her picture. She either has that skin pigmentation disorder or she cut herself shaving a million times. Also, if she could meet anyone dead or alive, she would pick Ted Bundy. Yep. Ted Bundy. No, not the unibomber...that's Ted Kaczynski. She wants to meet the rapist-muderer-rapist. Oh yeah, Gingers are totally normal.

The Hills, Episode Fakitty Fake Fake #8

Herro friends! Okay, first off, I need to stress something that was mentioned in the comment's section of yesterday's post, and it had me a little perturbed. I mentioned that I would be cutting back The Skip-Raid from 5 posts a week to 3.5. I need to promise you that that doesn't mean that the quality will be going down too. With fewer posts, I can condense more goodness. Also, I need to dedicate time to my new writing job. Just like the Jay-Z song, soon you'll understand. I promise. I'm not leaving you, I'm not selling out, I'm not Sophie's Choice-ing your asses. With that being said, let's talk about The Hills!God, I love how fake this picture is!
Anyways, last night saw some stupid, if not mildly interesting developments. Let's go character by character, and rate how the writers chose to play out each:

WHITNEY
Homegirl seemed to run that whole TeenVOGUE fashion show on her own. Sheah right! And monkeys might fly out of my butt (sorry, I have been watching Wayne's World on DVD quite a bit lately). You can't tell me that a multi-million dollar magazine wouldn't hire a crapload of party planners for an event this big. Andre Leon-Talley's floor-length mink coat budget alone is enough to make me know that VOGUE has more money than they know what to do with. I was not convinced. Also, I would have loved to seen some dramz. Like, rull dramz. I wanted to see a model fall or Amy Astley get drunk off her face and then her wig would fall off (does she not totally remind you of a witch from Roald Dahl's The Witches?) or hear Marc Jacobs make some lewd, ribald comment to one of the male models. No such luck.
Writer's Grade: C
Could have been good, could have been bad. But you made it boring.

LAUREN
Oh Christ, le sigh. What a snorefest. Additionally, I am not really liking her hair. Its too dark or too brown or too long. I dunno. Just don't like it.
Writer's Grade: D
Someone really hates Lauren this week, don't they?

AUDRINA
Audrina and Justin-Bobby-Flopsy-Hair go to see The Ruse (lame!) at some "dive bar" and then one of The Ruse guys wants to ask Audrina out (aka "back to my hotel to show you some guitars and stuff". You know how it goes). And he gets cock-blocked by Justin-Bobby! What a dick! He doesn't even like Audrina (what do you think they talk about when the cameras go off? Oh yeah, that's right - the relationship is a fake). Then Audrina films her monthly scene at Epic with an intern/girl who auditioned to play the character of Intern #1. Lame lame lame. Although it did make me mad to see Justin-Bobby deny that handsome crooner.
Writer's Grade: A-
Good one with the Bobby. Didn't think you guys could write him out to be even douchier than he already is.

HEIDI
So, it's Heidi's 21st B-day and she wants to celebrate like any of us do - at a lame, overpriced restaurant with her creedy pedophile-eyes boyfriend. He has "don't fuck with The Jesus" eyes (that one was for my friend Lee). So yeah, he buys her a supremely fugly Chanel bag and she is soooo excited for it. Yawn. Then their night is capped off with Heidi drinking water and re-arranging champagne glasses while Spencer checks messages on his BlackBerry.
Writer's Grade: B
A typical Spencer-Heidi storyline, which is pretty failsafe.

NEXT TIME ON THE HILLS
This was a little interesting. It seems that Whitney is back to second fiddle next week as she gives Lauren some lame advice that nobody asked for. Lauren and Heidi have a showdown where Lauren goes "I will forgive you, and I will forget you". Ooh, diss! Didn't see that one coming! Oh wait, saw it a mile away. Except you know they are just making it seem drammy so that when they become friends again it makes it all seem worth it. Except that deep down in your heart, you will know that you have wasted almost 10 hours of your life over the past 10 weeks. Sad. Also, I think that Justin-Bobby and Audrina might cut their losses and ditch eachother. To which Justin-Bobby will promptly sign his release-from-contract waiver and take his headshots down to American Apparel on Sunset. I hear they are looking for a new shift manager.
But what will become of Heidi and Spencer? Is she having second thoughts? Is he weirding me out completely? Where's Brody? Will Lo ever get her wonky cyclops eye fixed? Remember Lauren's sister Brianna? What ever happened to her?
So many questions need answering!!!

Big News, Sad News, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Good-morrow to all ye lads and lasses. If you read the above sentance, then you are well aware of the impending sadtimes and big...times (big times?) that are to follow. What do you want first, the good news or the bad news? (Okay, I hate when people say that, and the bad news is usually much, much worse than the good news and it is always thrown into a context like this: "Okay, so...the bad news is, your parents have been murdered by a ritualistic psycopath. The good news is the police were able to find him before he got to you!" Uh, yeah, thanks.)
Alright, but for real, here is the good news:
Good Newz!
I have been asked by Torontoist.com to be a contributor (ie: I begged like there was no tomorrow). What does this mean for you? Nothing. But what does it mean for me? It means a little bit more legitimacy. It means something really great to add to my resume. Also, I am getting quite a bit of creative freedom and I can't wait to start linking to my work, as I am hopeful it will be pretty fun.
Uh oh, now for the...
Bad Newz!
The Skip-Raid is no longer going to be updated on a Monday-Friday (and sometime Saturday) basis. I'm sorry, pretties, but it is true. Please take this picture of my dog being adorable as a peace offering.So, the new schedule will be as follows:
Monday - no post
Tuesday - new post (about Gingers or The Hills)
Wednesday - new post (about Gingers or...something else)
Thursday - new post (about ANTM...or other fun stuff. Wow, I watch a lot of shitty TV)
Friday - link to the BiteTV Blog article.
Is this cool? Is this alright?I'm sorry that you won't be getting a Monday post anymore, but the truth of the matter is I am very busy and am writing a lot and working a lot and have very little time for TV. Now would be a good time to mention how much I love TV. But this new Skip-Raid sched. will all be subject to what happuns in the week. Let's say every channel plans a Mind of Mencia-athon; then my TV will be shut-off and I will write more and better stuff for yous skids. But let's all pray that that NEVER happens. I would rather go through that de-ageing thing Mr. Burns goes through every Friday night than watch 4 minutes of Mencia. You know what think I am talking about: the eye drops, the spinal re-assignment, that spiky weird drill that Dr. Nick Riviera promises "won't hurt a bit...till I ram this down your throat!" Come on! You know, from the X Files episode? Sheesh. See you tomorrow.

Predictions for the weekend of November 2-4

So another week has passed us by and that means two whole days of sleep, television, French Toast (try saying it like Leslie Mann in 40 Year Old Virgin when she is drunk in the car...Fraynch Teust) and reading the Reader Exchange section of the Saturday Star. But what can you expect from those two days? Fuck if I know, but I am going to predict the weekend anyways. >>Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie is going to suck something hard. He has been over-promoting the hell out of it, and any movie with Renee Zell'wigger is doomed to fail (well, not Cold Mountain. That movie was really really good).

>>Rain or shine, the malls will be packed. Will I be avoiding them? Hells no, the bf just got some "grant money" (read: spendin' moneys) from school, so we is goin' spendin. Ima buy me some adem fancy gold teefs.

>>I will end up renting Girl, Interrupted, because I am an idiot.

>>I will go to work tonight and Saturday night and sit on my ass on a milk crate behind the bar, reading old copies of US-Weekly and eating a SubWay sandwich. Oh wait, that's not a prediction...that is what happens every week.

>>The Royal Winter Fair starts this weekend, I believe, with reported cases of "stepping in sheep shit" rising 1000%

>>You will read this week's BiteTV post from me, and a little part of your soul will die.

>>With almost 350 Halloween costume submissions at CollegeHumor.com, my kid sister Alex's American Apparel costume is in the top 60!! So keep voting for her! Click here to cast your vote!

>>Britney Spears will be out partyin' y'all. And PS - if I walk into another store playing Gimme More, I will take a dump in the changeroom.

America's Next Top Tranny: Recap Edition!

Binaca, you are officially Public Enemy #1Alright, last night was a total bummer because Tyra decided to trick-or-treat us to a lame-ass recap show. I wasn't at home (too long to explain) so I was stuck watching an ANTM recap show or Poltergeist 2. I picked ANTM.

The one thing that really shocked me, and I mean shocked me, was Bianca. Remember how way back when I had missed a bunch of episodes in their entirety? Apparetnly I had missed all the clips of Bianca being a total fucking lunatic. Moreso than our good friend and Costa Blanca employee Ebony. Bianca was my favourite, but after watching her be a bitch to Heather and Chantal AND plugging up the turlett with a massive dump, homegirl is on watch. You hear me, boo? Ima be wishin' you the worst next week. You owe me.

Also, I love when Bianca and Chantal are fighting and Bianca goes "girl, stop being hood, it ain't cute". Um, she isn't being hood...homegirl is hood. And by hood, I of course mean Hoodlank County (just south of Kennesaw Mountain, Georgia). Chantal is white trayshe and you know she has seen a fight or two in her life. Except instead of knives and guns and babydaddies, her fights were more like broken 40s of BlackICE beer and scuffles in the double-wide.

But what do you think? Is Bianca a reformed bitch? Is Chantal's Dad also her Uncle? Is Heather a whiny bitch (yes). Dare I say it? ANTM is getting really trashy.