Tuesdays are the new Mondays

That sounded so fucking gay, am I right? But it's true - I have fallen in love with the Tuesday prime-time lineup. Well, just two shows. Let's not jump to things here. As you all know, I am a big-time Law & Order SVU nerd, and last night featured none other than Arrested Development's ANN. Who? Yeah right, anyways, it was awesome - it was about street kids who live on the street in this little family of runaways. Like Oliver! Except no singing and more murdering to prove you're the Dad of the family. Yeah, I know it sounds lamer than a 3-legged mule, but it was so good. Also Ann (real name Mae Whitman) wasn't just a little cameo - she was pretty much the star. Sadly, her acting skills last night reminded me of a young Melissa Joan Hart, which is no good. Melissa Joan Hart couldn't act her way out of an SVU bit-part (which she tried to do this season, natch). Hhhhennyways, it was really good and as usually, ADA Novak pulled some sneaky shit in the courtroom which sent Ann to pris-onne for 'attemped' or 'puppeteering' or something. I should know this shit, my Pops was a cop. But yeah, it was pretty damn great. Law & Order SVU is really good. I know that you could pick pretty much any random message board online and it will be nothing but "SVU sux so hard Mariska is GAY" (which is all sorts of wrong; Mariska is not gay, she is in love with Det. Stabler, and I hate when people spell sucks as 'sux'. It looks like it should be pronounced like socks). But these lonely losery souls are the same people who generally LOVE Grey's Anatomy and LOST and stuff. Oh, and Prison Break. They love thems some Wentworth Miller.
Moving on...
Tuesday night is also the night that The Biggest Loser comes on. And while I am not a huge fan of reality TV that is void of a models/Tyra/TeenVOGUE/vapid Laguna bitches, I LOVE this one! Okay, here is the rundown: a bunch of fatties (in this case - partners of fatties, like a mom and a daughter, or two best friends) compete every week to lose the most weight. Now, I know this sounds like life in a Sorority House (I Felta Thi), but trust, these people are like 300+ pounds. They needs to lose some poundage. Okay, so yeah, then at the end of the week, whoever lost the greatest percentage of weight wins and the two couples that lost the least percentage of weight are then pitted against the rest of the group. Oh yeah, the rest get to choose who they want out. At the end, the winner wins $250 thousand, but what they really win is a new body that isn't as hideously gross as the one pre-show. And really, who deserves it more than the unsung heroes, the Fatties? Without them, I wouldn't know whether or not to try the new Gordita or KFC Bowl or Diet Sparkle. I would not know what clothes have become unfashionable. I would have warmth if stranded on Hoth. People, I would KILL to be on this show. Now before you start thinking that I am some obese Cartman sitting in front of my Mac, I'm not. I just want to lose 3 pounds (Mean Girls? Anyone?) but imagine getting to work every day with a trainer who is screaming at you to work out? That's what I need. I found out this weekend that I will get to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in August, and let me tell you, I REFUSE to be the fat bridesmaid. There is always one, isn't there? All the little ducks all lined up in a row, so pretty, and then WHOAH! A giant Manitee has wiggled up the beach into a wedding party. Not I, I say. I cannot, nay, will not, be the beached wedding whale.
So in conclusion, every Wednesday will be about SVU and the Biggest Loser. It airs at 8 and I urge you to watch it. If not just for the tears (oh shit, they all cry ALL THE TIME!!!)
Also, if you want to see the real loser, check out the detailed Wikipedia entry for this season.