My Father buys my love with Candy.

Every year my father goes on a golf trip to Virgina. And every year he asks what we would like him to bring us back. When we were kids, we wanted toys, then clothes. One year he brought me a package of thin jelly bracelets. I LOVED that year. I thought I was so cool. This was, of course, waaay before those bracelets meant sexual stuff you did on the playground. Anyways, for the past few years, my dad has been brining us cereal and candy. We can get candy and cereal in Canada, but it's not nearly as cool as American stuff. We have Froot-Loops, America has Froot-Loops with marshmallows and glitter. We have Skittles, America has Skittles with Baby Teeth. One year I asked my dad for Cocoa Pebbles. He forgot which cereal I wanted, so he went to a grocery and bought every chocolate cereal in the aisle. I got Cocoa Pebbles, Coco-Puffs, Cocoa Crispies, Generic Cocoa Snaps, Store-brand Choco-Cracks, etc etc. It was the best month of my life, for reals. This year he surprised me with a few gems. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't share them with you? Let's do this! Let's rate candy!

We have 3 different candybars today: Butterfinger Stixx, Twix Java, and Mounds. The Butterfinger Stixx come in a nice little package. I feel like I have been given a present that I get to unwrap. Although it does seem like a little bit excessive; why do I need candy wrapped in a package, then put into a box? I'm not buying this shit at Costco. Unwrapping the Butterfinger sticks (I'm sorry; I refuse to call them stixx. Is this 1993?) was fiddly; they aren't terribly durable and you feel like you are going to snap it in half. It looks like when your shit slides out of your ass and makes a long cigar. I never do this, but I am told it happens. On to the taste.It said that the inside was supposed to be Butterfinger candy creme aka cream. Well..I'm sure it becomes cream when it digests in your stomach. It's more of a chalky peanutty centre. Also, it tastes like hazelnut, which is a let-down because I really love the fake-peanut-orange taste of the Butterfinger middle. But I will give the Butterfinger Stick this; I like things that let me pretend to smoke, so this gets 1 thumb up.Next on the chopping block is the Twix Java. This comes fast on the heels of many a fantastic Twix re-invention. Twix, Twix Fudge, Peanut Butter Twix. I was apprehensive at first because normally candybar + coffe = shitty diaper, but this is FAN-fucking-TASTIC. The caramel is mixed with coffee, and the cookie is chocolate instead of plain. When you throw them together, you get what tastes like a chocolate-brownie-sundae. I really enjoy this. Very mellow coffee taste; if anything, it just brings out the natural chocolatey taste of the cookie. Sorry for the blurry picture, but you get the idea. Chocolate plus coffee caramel plus chocolate. I would cut these into bite-sized pieces and serve them to guests. The one thing I don't like about the Peanut Butter Twix is that it is too dry. The regular Twix is very sweet. This is a lovely balance. I give this one a very fat thumb up.And of course we have Mounds, a candybar that unlike the Butterfinger Stixx and the Twix Java, will not be finding its way to the 2 for $1 bin at your local convenience store. I'm sorry, but that's the way "new" candybar launches end. Mounds is a fantastic candybar (for those who love coconut) and a steaming pile (for those who hate coconut). The Almond Joy is Mound's milk chocolate brother (with an almond on top), and I prefer the dark chocolate. That coconut middle is so sweet, so I like the subtle bitterness. Also, I like how Mounds, like Twixm is split into two. Its like you finish one, and then surprise! you get another one! Plus, you don't have to waste precious eating time unwrapping it. I think Mounds may be one of my favourite candybars ever. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

All in all, I think my dad really scored one for the home team. He took a risk with some new candybars, and I am glad he did. Thanks pops! I owe you one!!