You are Not the Father Friday

Know what I hate? The term secret shame. People, if you like something, why be ashamed of it? Ashamed to admit you watch Dancing with the Stars? Own that shit! Ashamed that you go to Taco Bell and order the Family Meal for yourself? Who effing cares! What really bothers me is when people are ashamed to admit they watch daytime-TV. Trash television like People's Court, Judge Mathis (hells yes! He used to run with the Earl Flynns!) and, god rest her soul, Jenny Jones. I am willing to go on the record to state that I, The Mayor, fucking love Maury Povitch. I mean, I like the other ones, but if they got cancelled I wouldn't cry for weeks. If Maury got cancelled, well...I just don't see a reason for living. Who else would tell me who the baby's father is? I NEED TO KNOW THIS SHIT.

Bokay, this is a great clip from Maury. It's your standard paternity test, so no surprises there. But please watch how springy the guy gets when he finds out the results. Also, at the end, please check out around the 1:16 mark and read Lashana's caption. Ho fo' Sho!


This next one combines my two loves; dancing, and fat people falling.


The next clip has been doctored by a fan - not too much, though. It still maintains the integrity of the results. I honestly love how cocky these bitches get when they are up there. They are always like "I know Jeremiah is Ko'shers father! Look at the eyes! They have the same eyes! I am 500% sure!"
Meanwhile in the back of their head they are going 'aw hells naw. If he ain't Ko'shers father, Ima be right back here in 3 weeks with Darnell." But for real, this one is fantastic.