My Favourite Tings

Well, for this week at least. My tastes change with the seasons; I know, I'm fickle. Anyways, like Oprah, I love to give back to the community. Oprah gives out Ugg boots and DVD players, I give out STDs and hush money. Jokes! I'm a saintly-little-angel who no longer has crotch crickets.

So anyways, here are the things that are ruling my life this week. The fun part about this is you get to peek into how ghetto my life is. Enjoy!

Ever since I got clean and sober from Diet Coke (I have since fallen off the wagon several times, by the by) I have needed something cold, refreshing, and not booze to replace Sweet Liquid Brown. Goddamn have I found it - Stewarts Key Lime. Now, you probably know Stewarts as the company who makes the delicious old tymey root beer and orange cream sodas, but those are for trick-ass hos.

Depending on where you live, Summer is right around the corner, which means it's high-time someone put some meat in my buns!!! The bad news is, I'm a BBQ Wet Blanket - I HATE hamburgers, and hot dogs are usually out of the question (one time I ate a package of 8 raw wieners and I had chest pains for days, so it pretty much ruined it for me). Instead I usually opt for the Yves veggie wieners which gives me all the delicious snouts-n-assholes taste I have come to love without the excruciating chest pains.

One of my favourite animals is the Squirrel. They are soft and funny and so goddamned happy it kills me. Plus, they love to put nuts in their mouth which makes them OK in my books. Anyways, I have really started to hone in on my squirrel-whispering skills (as you can see in this picture). I can lure them without anything in my hands; it's as if just being near my gentle, soothing voice is enough for them. One day I will get one to sit in my hand and I will pet it. I will also pray to Jesus that the squirrel doesn't bite me because squirrels have diseases and eat dogpoo and I don't want none of that business.

COFFEE MATE HOLLA!!!!!! At our office we usually have cream in the fridge for our coffee, but sometimes someone will go to Costco (big ups to Justine!) and pick up the mammoth drum of white powdie. I'm salivating just thinking about it. I have put Coffee Mate in almost everything: coffee, tea, chai lattes (made with The Mate), hot chocolate, a cheap yogurt flavouring, and one time (when I was very very poor and all I had was Coffee Mate) I mixed it into a mug of boiling water and drank it like steamed milk. I AM NOT ABOVE THIS.

I hate Flippy Floppies. I know it's cool and hipster-y to hate on Flip-Flops, but I really really don't like wearing them. My feet always get blisters and the soles get so damn filthy. But. I did get a pair of these ugly-ass beige/skin coloured ones from Old Navy, and they are gross as the day is long and I LOVE THEM. They make me look like Amy Winehouse trolling the streets of Camden shoeless.


Of course I can't have a Favourite Things post without showing a couple of YouTube clips. The first comes courtesy of my sister, Alex, who I firmly believe was Black in a past life. She has very curly hair, she sucks her teeth a lot, she knows a lot about movies like Baby Boy and Booty Call. Plus, she did see Norbit in theatres.


I really really want to marry this guy. I'm serious.