The Hills by my kid sister, Alex
Herrow ferrows. As you may know, I am pretty much on my death bed with a cold. Instead of going to my friend's house to watch The Hills, I was forced to stay on the couch and watch 4 episodes of Carnivale (which is awesome, but not The Hills)
Anyways, my kid sister, who you may or may not remember from the Interviews, has graciously done today's Hills recap, cause I know if I didn't have a damn recap, I would have a shitstorm of emails telling me to get off my lazy ass and provide a play-by-play of dramz. Here you go! Everything from here on out has been written by Alex.
First off this isn't The Mayor. It is neither her 'intern' either. I believe she has an intern as much as she maintains as active lifestyle and uses her gym membership effectively.
*Editor's Note: I do now have an intern, and I will be telling you about him on Thursday.
Yes, poor yous, you have a new author for your Tuesday post. It is I, the lesser of evils, the cuter of faces, Alex.
First let me point out how much I hate this blog. Now that that is out of the way, shall we begin? We shall. I arranged a series of questions I asked myself whilst watching the program.
Questions One: "How desperate is Teen Vogue?"
- Featured Lauren on the cover two, count 'em two times.
- Featured Mischa Barton on their Young Hollywood Issue (why?)
- Decided that the band, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, is an up and coming band with nothing but success behind their backs. Fuck, weren't those guys female-boner repellant? The bad, independent, "I wanna wear the jeans I have on 'cause they're a women's size 8 and I broke them in, like, 6 years ago, before wearing women's jeans was in" guy just looked like an uggers Burt McCracken. Moving on.
Question Two: "How lame is Heidi and Spencer's airtime on the Hills?"
- Wedding dress shopping with Jen Bunney in her nude sweater mini dress (barf)
- Gift Registry at IKEA? What the hell, I thought they were ballin'.
- Spencer and Heidi have mad-stare-offs over the wedding news not spreading to the Pratt family. Can you imagine Spencer's mom? She'd probably look like the snow yeti from Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer (c/o Jenn Lawrence)
Question Three: "How annoying/ lame/ mother hen is Lauren becoming?"
- Dying to impress the hipster scene boyz at her local pit. "Y'know, just like, some random dive bar" Dive Bar? Lauren can't drink beer let alone tiptoe into a real dive bar.
- Giving a truckload of Whitney-esque "eyes" at the table downing Costco sized shots.
- Lauren thinks she has all the advice covered as she relates to "meeting up with exes and their girlfriends is always awkward" Wha? You mean Kristin and Jessica? Big whop. Let loose and stop rolling and bugging out your eyes when you're on dates and then you may have dibs on 'Advice Hour with Lauren Conrad'.
Question Four: "What does Katja remind you of?"
- Ugly girls you find on Facebook from Elementary School who have gotten trashier and wear tons of black eye liner and are currently enrolled at De'Vry Institute: Uxbridge Campus.
- Girls you find at the Uxbridge Bruins Hockey Games who end up at the Tim Hortons at 2 a.m. bragging about they effed the whole team.
- A Russian slut.
- A Bonne Bell model.
*Editor's Note: Uxbridge is a small town, very similar to some crappy small town in Nebraska. People seldom leave.
It's OVER!
