I know, right?

People, I am so sorry to have to post this picture, but I think it will help you to feel sympathy for me. Okay, what i mean is, is that when you look at a pregnant Nicole Ritchie, it will make you feel beyond ill, and that is what i am right now. I am so so sick. Please pray for Mojo. Send well-wishes to skipraid@gmail.com
I think I am dying.
Well, not really, but I do definately think I have me some flu. So, I apologize for a lame post today, but seriously, after typing all diss, I am gonna need a nap. And yeah, its 1:30 and this is the first time I turned on my comp.
Additionally, I will not be able to leave my bed, ergo I won't be able to make my weekly pilgrimage to my kid sister's house, which means I won't be able to watch The Hills tonight. If YOU want to do The Hills round-up tomorrow, email me at skipraid@gmail.com and its all your for this week. I am super super sad that I will be missing it. Oh shit, something feels like barf or diarreah, so i need to get to the bathroom,
Peace.
The Mayor

2 day vacation.

Schorry Schenoritas, but I am taking today and tomorrow off. Why? I am busy/lazy. Also, I am moving soon and am up to my poop shute in boxes. So, why not peruse the posts of yore? Go back a couple of months and pretend you nothing about Paris going to jail. Or re-read your favourite interview. Or, you can check out this week's article from Yours Truly at LoveInToronto.com right here.
See you on Friday!!

I'm bringing sexy back...I mean, I'm taking Monday off.

Good People
There will be no Monday post, as I will be at the bank all morning to discuss my finances.
Basically, Pray...For...Mojo.
See you all Tuesday morning!
The Mayor

Sorry, No Post Today :(

Sorry guys, but I'm a little under the weather and I have a load of work to do at work (yes, I have a job. Believe it). But anyways, you know what to do while I'm gone:
-submit your embarrassing stories to the Skip-Raid Traumarama Contest (skipraid@gmail.com)
-jump
-wave
-jump & wave (that one's for Crystal M)
-have a great day!

Monday Monday Monday

Hey peeps.
I'm really really sorry, but there won't be a post today 'till much later in the day. My Daddy needs help buying a computer, so I agreed to help him out. Blind leading the blind. Anyways, this weekend was really good - ate some Cheetos, watched some Natural Born Killers. I'll tell you what's not a good idea; watching Natural Born Killers at 3am after eating a whole bag of Cheetos. Little scary.
Anyways, here is a picture of a Paris Hilton looking very un-scag-baggy. I actually covet the outfit she is wearing here. Did I just say that? Ew. Here eyes look the same too; I can barely tell which one is the wonky one. Take a look at the guy in the backgroud; take it easy on the Crest Whitestrips, braw (you KNOW he says "braw").

Friend's Day Wednesday

Hello little darlings (how much does this dog love peanut butter?)
I am apologizing in advance because I have fallen ill with a cold. This is no good, except my voice is sort of gone so I sound mucho sexy (you know, if you find truck-stop sluts sexy). Anyways, today I spending some time in bed recuperating so that I may be awake enough to watch America's Next Top Tranny and give you guys a nice long post about it tomorrow morning.
In other news, I feel bad because I told a friend I'd go to watch his stand-up tonight, and I can't now because I feel like AIDS. So I will encourage you all to see it tonight instead (let's face it Ajay, I would end up getting kicked out for heckling. This is a blessing in disguise). So here's what you need to know:
Late Night Giggin @ The Brunswick House (aka "The Brunny") 481 Bloor St. W
9pm - $5 (don't be a cheapskate, Yuk-Yuks is like $25 and people flock to that garbage like flies to shit) The best part of Late Night Giggin is NO ROMAN DANYLO! I hate that guy so bad, I swear to God, If I saw him I would have no problem punching him in the neck.
It's kinda like SNL, except nobody's taping it and there is no Amy Poehler. But it shall be a good time had by all, folks! Besides, beers are really cheap at The Brunswick House and there won't be the usual Friday Frat-Boy crowd.
...and ladies (and faggos) Ajay Fry will be there, and he's single! Ooh! Mothers, lock up your daughters (and faggos)! You can check him out here. What a handsome fellow. He is definitely not paying me $10 to say this.
There, now where's my $10.
And if you're too cheap to spend the $5 for live comedy, then stay at home at watch ANTM.

Happy O'Monday

So, did everyone have a nice St.Patrick's Day? I sure did, not one green beer at all, and no hangover. I hope next year's Ramadan celebrations/drunk-fest goes the same way. Anyways, today there will be no cool post; I have my reasons and they are personal.

Editor's Note: The "personal" reasons are actually quite simple. "Someone" didn't get to sleep last night 'till 4:30 am because they watched DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, The People VS Larry Flynt, and 54 on TV. Then "they" proceeded to wake up at 2 in the afternoon. "Someone" is getting written-up today as a big-time loser.

Okay, anyways, 54 is a pretty decent movie. Maybe I'll write about that.

Editor's Note: No, you won't.

Shit, alright. For now here is a picture of my favorite baby Suri O'Cruise, being carried away by her mom. TMZ is reporting that Suri spent St.Patrick's Day at PJ O'Flannigans in LA and got so shitfaced she barfed all over a table of Irish War Vets. She was kicked out at like, 10pm because she was too drunk to talk or something. There are pictures of her and Paris Hilton dancing on the bar and Flashing the O'Gash, if you will. Two words, TomKat: Re-Hab. Get that kid to Promises before you come home to find her smoking meth with Fergie-Ferg.
...Speaking of which...
I just barfed up my O'Breakfast.

America's Next Top Tranny - Week 3

Jesus Christ, Blogger is eating my ass with a grapefruit spoon today. Blogger is Ike Turner and I'm Tina...I gotta bounce from this hell hole. I'm carrying on though and doing a post about ANTM. Less do dis:
Okay you Crazy-Hos, ANTM Week 3 was a whole hour of crap-busting fun. The skanks got make-overs (if you even want to call it that...they should just start calling it "weave-in, weave-out"). And some of them looked pretty cool. Jael had a tight weave, and then they ripped it out and cut her hair off Rosemary's Baby-styles. Russian-Natasha looks like Angelina Jolie now that they dyed her hair dark brown. But the bigger news is that Jael got a phone call from her drug dealer saying that one of her friends died of an overdose. I'm sorry, but the only thing that could have surprised me about that phone call is if her friend had overdosed on Lysol Dusting Spray or that her friend was 9 years old. Jael is high like, 98% of the time. And even when she's not high, she has a Meth Face that would make Fergie-Ferg jealous. I'm a total bitch, I feel bad for Jael. But I bet that her friend calling her with the bad news was actually calling with an ulterior motive:
"Hey, Jael? Listen, Shasta sort of peaced out this weekend at Skinner's house and she sorta owed me some money for all that E. I know you two were close and that you always had her back...so I was hoping I could get $450 from you. Oh, and sorry about your loss".
Also, Tyra was being very funny this week. About one girl she said "this is America's Next Top Model, not America's Next Top Hip-Hop Booty-Shaking Star". America's Next Top Hip-Hop Booty-Shaking Star / aka Flavor of Love 2. Sometimes ANTM is one pair of stripper heels away from I Love New York or FoL. Tyra better recognize. And of course, Brittany cried the whole episode about getting a too-tight weave. Then Tyra was like "Honeychild, I know what it's like to get a weave, and it hurts". Weave? Tyra, you are straight-up wearing wigs! Ain't nothing sewn to your head, girl; it's like Hallowe'en up on your 5-head every damn day of your life.
The photo shoots were so strange...it was a combination of candy and nudity. So, they were supposed to be diferent candies and be naked. Lets just say this right now...Jaslene is a skinny ho. I was like "is there a candy covering her body, cause I know she can't be that skinny" and sure enough...nope, she IS that skinny. Jael was like "I'm dedicating my picture to my dead druggy friend" and I'm like "Yawn...I don't care". Jael, I'm sure your friend would be pleased as punch to know you dedicated your week 3 photoshoot picture from ANTM Cycle 8 to her dead ass. Big deal, that's like me dedicating my Honey Nut Cheerios to my dead dog this morning. "Snickers...you are always wit me dawg! This cereal is for you! Keep on humping legs in Heaven, boy!"
Oh, and that girl with the weave got kicked off. I can't even remember her name, that's how little she meant to the show. And Brittany had the best photo, which is a big doye, cause she is amazing. And Renee is still a stupid redneck bitch. Get back to the trailer, honey! Vittles is on!

Damn You, Blogger!!

Blogger is being a total bitch right now and won't let me post pictures. And let's face it...we don't come to this site for the witty repartay. If you are like me, you read with your eyes. Wait a second...shit, you know what I mean. Pictures, good. Words, bad. So stick with us! We'll beat Blogger's ass within an inch of its life before the end of the day!

I'm Sowwy

Hello Muffins
I cannot appologize enough for slacking with the posts as of late. You have to understand - I was offered more shifts at work, and until yous guys start making with the cashola left in an envelope at my doorstep, work takes priority. So, my dears, time to make with the yakkety-yak.