Will y'all quit hating on Alec, and get back to hating on the other Baldwins?!?

Look, unless you've been living under a rock or in Durham Region, you know what's going on with Alec 'Schwetty Balls' Baldwin. Buddy went a little overboard on the answering machine last week and people think he's cray-cray. Hey, cray-cray ain't nothing to be worried about unless you are in the middle of a bitter custody battle with your lying drama-queen ex-wife (Kim Bay-singer, Bass-injure, whatever). Anyways, I know people are getting all uppity and calling it "child abuse" and "the alcohol talking", but seriously? Let Alec scream it out; if I know anything about about celebrity's kids, they are little friggers who are in dire need of a good screaming. So let's give Alec the day off and throw our stones at people more deserving of a good stoning; Billy, Daniel, and Stephen.

Check it out, Daniel Baldwin has been in 76 movies/TV shows (Alex has been in 78) and you know how many I've seen/recognize? 2. 'Born on the 4th of July' and 'Touched by an Angel'. Touched by an Angel?!? What? Daniel, Jesus Christ dude, raise the bar. The next movie he is in is called 'Moola' and it's about a guy who owns a glo-stick factory. Guess who doesn't play the owner of the glo-stick factory? The only other "name" in 'Moola' is Efren Ramirez aka Pedro. What the fuck?!? Who is greenlighting this shit?!?

Billy Baldwin was also in 'Born on the 4th of July'. Oooh, add a little Tom Cruise and you've got a sexy sandwich. And by 'sexy' I mean 'has-beens'. And by 'sandwich' I mean...well, sandwich. Actually, Daniel is like the 'never-was mayo' of the sandwich. Anyways, I feel bad for Billy, because he is like one 'Beetlejuice' or 'Working Girl' away from actually having a career. But then he'd be Alec, and no dice. You can't be Alec. He is too good looking and suave and you are not. You are goofy and your name is Billy. Are you 5? Start going by William, do a couple of independant films, hell, release a sex tape to TMZ.com. Bup-bup-bup, wait a sec...no sex tape. Sorry, scratch that one, no one wants to see that. Now, a sex tape with Alec...rrrrrow (I can't roll my r's in real life either).

Oooh la la. The Creme de la Creme of Baldwins. Steephee, Steephee, Steephee. Once the star of 'The Flintstones; Viva Rock Vegas', now a crazy religious zealot. Here is a little known fact: Stephen was in 'Born on the 4th of July' too! (Oliver Stone has been kind to the Baldwin family). Stephen hasn't done too poorly for himself; he has done some decent movies, he was in 'Half Baked' and 'The Usual Suspects'. But really, who can forget his Oscar-caliber performance in Pauly Shore's opus 'Bio-Dome'.What do you think Christmas at the Baldwins is like?
Alec: Merry Christmas. What's everyone been up to?
Daniel: I live in a dumpster.
Billy: ...dumpster.
Stepher: ...Christian dumpster.
Alec: Well, that's nice. Who want's a scotch?
Daniel: Did someone say 'hot meal'?